Anything She Wants

“Anything you want.” Tinkletoes says.

“I can't believe he said that.” Dobby says running his paw down his face.

“Silly human.” TP's giggle can be heard throughout the room.

“Foolish, foolish man.” Carp adds.

“Anything?” Writer Lady asks again.

“Anything.” Tinkletoes verifies, looking into Writer Lady's eyes.

“Okay.” Writer Lady's eyes change a little. The wheels are turning in her mind, brain cells are working at full capacity. “What I want is...for you to go to each of my neighbors individually and get their permission to set up your little shooting range for the day.”

“Done.” Tinkletoes says.

“In writing.” Writer Lady leaves the room returning from High Command with a clipboard, legal pad and pen. She scribbles a couple of sentences on the page as well as names and addresses of the neighbors he needs permission from. “Here you go.” Writer Lady says handing Tinkletoes his supplies.

“There are a dozen houses on this list.” Tinkletoes says.

“Really?” Writer Lady asks. Taking the clipboard she scribbles again handing it back to Tinkletoes. “I added a couple more because most of your weapons are military grade and probably have greater range.”

“Twenty?”

“All twenty neighbors.” Writer Lady confirms.

“There won't be any time to shoot.”

Writer Lady's lips curve up into a sly smile.

“What if a neighbor is out of town?” Tinkletoes asks.

“They can be scratched off the list. I'm putting TP in charge of making sure my instructions are followed. He can use magic to stop you if you try to pull a fast one.” Writer Lady looks at the clock on the wall. “Will you look at the time? Eight-thirty already, it's getting late. If you get started now you might still get a couple of hours play time squeezed in tonight. You'd better hurry.” Writer Lady opens the front door for Tinkletoes and Carp. “Don't worry about the hour most of my neighbors are early risers.”

“You mean they're old.” Tinkletoes mutters. “A bunch of old farts. Why did you pick this neighborhood anyway?”

“It's quiet, which is great for writing and there is always someone looking out for the house.” Writer Lady answers pushing the two men out the door. “Have fun.” She calls cheerfully closing the door behind her.

“What just happened?” Tinkletoes asks.

TP appears in front of Tinkletoes and Carp wearing a tailored British suit and wool cap. The faerie is holding a pipe that looks like it might have belonged to Sherlock Holmes. “You have been outwitted my good man.” TP says speaking like a well cultured Englishman. “Outwitted com-plete-ly.” TP lets out a giggle and disappears in a tiny puff of smoke.

Carp glares at Tinkletoes. “You gave her carte blanche. What did you think was going to happen? Did you think that looking into her eyes and telling her she could have anything she wants would melt her into a puddle of goo, making her incapable of asking for anything?”

Thinking for a minute Tinkletoes says, “Well, yeah. It works on Mom all the time.”

“It didn't work this time did it?” Carp asks.

“I was so sure it would too. Writer Lady is a lot like my mom. Same short temper, same glare, same snarky comments.” Tinkletoes says. With a quick snap of his fingers he continues, “I'll bet it's because she doesn't have kids. That maternal instinct hasn't kicked in yet.”

“Isn't it possible that approach works with your Mom only because she gave birth to you?” Carp asks.

“No. Women love me. I can't get them to leave me alone.”

“Then why is it you never corrected the miscommunication of last winter? Why haven't you told anyone Writer Lady is not your girlfriend? Why do you always end up over here during your spare time...playing with her cat? Isn't this cramping your style? Isn't it time you got your own cat?”

Tinkletoes glares at Carp. “You know something? Ever since all that Ninja Zombie War business you've gotten real talkative. It's annoying.” Tinkletoes says walking down the stairs.

Carp follows. Before Carp can begin his trek across the front lawn Tinkletoes puts out an arm to stop him.

“There has to be a better way to do this.” Tinkletoes says.

“TP is watching. We have to do this her way.”

“The neighbors are never going to say yes.”

“Which is why she made this agreement.” Carp points out.

“Look at this list. They are all old people.”

“What's wrong with old people? Do you have a problem with them?”

“They don't have an open mind. You have to write things really big or yell just to talk to them. They always say 'no'. Even if you just want another cookie.”

“Your grandparents were tough on you?” Carp asks.

“You have no idea.” Tinkletoes admits lowering his arm.

Shaking his head Carp takes a step forward, before another step is made Tinkletoes' arm is blocking his path again.

“They're old people! This is perfect.” Tinkletoes says. “I know exactly how to get around this. We are going to wait until Writer Lady leaves the house. Then we are going start at the top of her list, go to each and every house, you knock on the door. When they answer you talk to them and try to get their signatures. While you're doing that I'll sneak into the house, take their glasses, binoculars and hearing aids. They won't be able to see or hear a thing. We can shoot all we want. There won't be single complaint.”

“No.”

“Why not?”

“You can't do that. They're old people.”

“If they can't see anything it won't bother them.” Tinkletoes argues.

“If they can't see anything they may fall. If they can't see anything and one of us misses they won't duck either.” Carp counters.

“Oh. I didn't think of that. Clearly the plan needs work.” Tinkletoes admits.

“Clearly.”

“What if we just took their hearing aids?”

“Not all of them are going to be hard of hearing.” Carp points out.

“Really?”

Carp shakes his head.

“Damn.”