What Happens In The Bedroom...

“Um...um...” Tinkletoes says.

Mr. Donut rises from the bed to embrace the spirit of his late wife. For every step he takes, small shuffling ones, Tinkletoes takes a large step back.

“My advances always did render you speechless didn't they my dear?”

Tinkletoes pales. He furiously searches his mind for way out of this but he never planned a strategy for this type of scenario.

“I can hear your breathing as it quickens. Your spirit responds to me even if you cannot.” Duncan Donut reaches for Tinkletoes' hand. Tinkletoes quickly pulls it out of range and begins to fan himself.

“Please Sweets, just let me catch my breath for a moment darlin'.”

“Keep talking my little Rainbow Sprinkles. Your southern belle is the hottest thing north of Memphis.”

Tinkletoes fans faster. Think. I gotta think. Maybe if I let him keep talking I'll get an idea.

“I should have known when you appeared to me on the Fourth of July you were only after one thing.” Mr. Donut continues.

“I...I” Tinkletoes stammers.

“The Fourth of July. The day of our union. The day our two souls became one. For 45 years, no matter what happened or how we felt about each other we celebrated our love. You had such...enthusiasm.”

“Oh my goodness...” Tinkletoes squeaks. “You're 94 years old. You can't.”

“Not for years but my sweet little Rainbow Sprinkles. Your return, it makes me feel young again.”

“I can't. I'm a ghost. Remember? So just back off old man.” Tinkletoes warns.

“Telling me to back off and then using my favorite pet name? You have always teased me terribly my dear. What shall I do with you?” Mr. Donut asks shuffling up to Tinkletoes and backing him into a corner. He reaches out and touches Tinkletoes on the upper arm gently. “I am able to touch you. We have been gifted one more romantic moment together.” Squeezing Tinkletoes' arm a little tighter he notices something. “You have changed Rainbow. You seem...harder? Have you been working out?”

“A little.” Tinkletoes' voice is deeper than it was moments before. He coughs and squeaks out, “A little. Just some water aerobics. There isn't much to do up there.”

“Water aerobics gives you biceps?”

“Weights? Weights. They added weights and stuff.” Tinkletoes answers.

Mr. Donut runs his hand down Tinkletoes' arm to take his beloved late wife's hand in his own and interlace their fingers. “Tell me my dear. Does water aerobics increase one's body hair as well?”

“Menopause?” Tinkletoes says.

“That still happens when one does not have a physical body?”

“Oh yeah.” Tinkletoes answers. “One week a month, you know because the big guy can make those things happen, all the younger women up there...It's just hell. A complete hell.”

“Darling. I too have been through hell.” Mr. Donut advances, eyes closed, lips puckered.

“I'm a dude.” Tinkletoes says in his own deep voice.

Mr. Donut stops moving, opening his eyes. He sees a muscular man in a flowered dress with closely cropped hair and a five o'clock shadow. Mr. Donut lets out a horrified scream.

“Shh...” Tinkletoes says.

“Help me. Help me.” Mr. Donut calls feebly.

Tinkletoes reaches out and covers Mr. Donut's mouth with his hand. “I'm not a bad person. I'm not here to hurt you. This is all a misunderstanding,” he says.

Mr. Donut's eyes grow larger. A tap-tap-tap on the window startles both men. Straining a little Tinkletoes reaches out and opens the window for Carp.

“I was just coming to tell you that TP says you shouldn't let Mr. Donut touch you. If you do the spell dies.” Carp starts out quickly, he speech slows when he realizes he is too late. “You're a man again.”

“Really?” Tinkletoes asks.

“What can I do to help?” Carp asks.

“Calm him down.” Tinkletoes says.

Within minutes Mr. Donut is sitting on the bed with a glass of water in his hand. Carp is next to him listening intently. Tinkletoes is standing on the far side of the room trying not to feel so guilty.

“I don't understand it. He looked so much like my Clara at first.” Mr. Donut looks at Carp. “Are you sure I'm not going crazy?” He asks.

Carp shakes his head. “A friend of ours is working on some special costume make-up. It can really alter a person's features.”

“This so embarrassing.” Mr. Donut says hanging his head.

“It's okay. I'm sure you miss Clara terribly. Do you want to talk about her?” Carp asks.

“Talk about her? This man's been crying for two years. The last thing he needs to do is talk about her.” Tinkletoes says. “He needs to go outside more and do...I don't know. Old people stuff.”

“He's right. There is not much more to say.” Mr. Donut gestures to the frames on the bedroom walls. “It's all right here. This was our life together.”

Standing up, Carp studies the pictures.

“That's her favorite song on the turntable.” Mr. Donut says.

Walking over to the old stereo system, Carp looks at the record. “ 'Sugar, Sugar' by The Archies. An oldie.”

“But a goodie.” Mr. Donut says smiling. “It was our wedding song too. Clara loved music. She followed the Billboard charts like they were a bible.”

“Was there anything she didn't like?” Carp asks.

“Country Western music. She hated it. I loved it. I could only listen at the donut shop. I never let her work with me so I could listen. That was my world. I used to write songs when I was a young man. I started again a few months ago.”

“Really? You must have a lot of experience writing music.” Carp says.

“About 70 years now. I'm wasn't as good with the lyrics not until recently. Do you want to hear some?” Mr. Donut asks.

“No.” Tinkletoes says.

“Yes!” Carp says smiling.

“Just let me get my guitar.” Rising with assistance Mr. Donut shuffles to the living room for his guitar.

“I don't want to listen to this.” Tinkletoes says.

“Do you want to go to jail?” Carp asks.

“No.”

Muttering can be heard from a distance, “I always put my guitar in the same place. Did I move the place?” Shuffling continues. “This is just going to take a minute. I'll find it eventually.” Mr. Donut calls. “I always do. Sooner or later...”