Of Murals and Monitor Man

Tinkletoes enters the bonus room to find Mural Man in his loincloth sashaying and gyrating to some...something.   He turns his head away from whatever Mural Man is doing and looks around the room.  As a flash of vibrant color penetrates his field of vision, Tinkletoes watches the bright clothing dance along the wall over to where Mural Man is um...doing his thing.   The salsa dress is stunning and the woman being enveloped by it captivating with long auburn hair and glowing amber eyes.  She is tall and willowy.  Tinkletoes has to remember why he came into the room.  The music changes to a salsa that ricochets off the walls in time with party lights bringing him back to his mission. Just as the dancing woman reaches Mural Man, Tinkletoes coughs.

“May I help you?”  The woman asks as both she and Mural Man look at Tinkletoes unhappy with the interruption.

“You're supposed to be quiet at night. Writer Lady has an agreement with House.”

“I am she.”   The woman says.

“You're House?  I thought the house was House.” Tinkletoes says.

“I am.”

“How can you be on the wall dancing then?”

“TP.  TP created a one dimensional rendering of my personality so that Mural Man and I could... interact.”  House answers gazing at her dance partner.  Mural Man looks at her adoringly.

“Wow.   You look. Wow.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Yes.  Thank you.”  House responds.   “Is that all?”

“So I need to know when you're going to turn the music down, so I can tell Writer Lady.”

“We have no plans to turn it down in the immediate future.”

Tinkletoes points to the window.  “It's nighttime.  It's dark out.”

House glares at Tinkletoes, stepping away from Mural Man, she sighs, “We are merely enjoying the time we lost earlier today when Writer Lady, Carp, TP and yourself were congregating in our space.”

“We weren't in here that long.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Then this won't take very long will it?”  The music starts up again.  House and Mural Man pick up where they left off.

Tinkletoes stands where he is and waits.   He studies the murals as they dance. So happy and oblivious to everything around them.

The song ends.  House claps her hands, the party lights go off and the lights come back on. “There! Happy?”  She shouts, leaving the room in a huff.

“Very. Thank you.”   Tinkletoes says grinning.

Mural Man sits down.   As well as any one dimensional painting can. “So.”   He says.

“So.  You're the mural.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Yep.”

“You look just like Monitor Man?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“That's what they tell me.”

“House seems to like you a lot.”

“I'm Monitor Man, well a picture of Monitor Man.  What's not to like?”

“I only met him once, there was a war.  I killed way more Ninja Zombies than he did.”

Mural Man nods.  Then silence.

Tinkletoes looks in the direction of the main house and Writer Lady.  “What is it about Monitor Man that the ladies seem to like so much?”

Mural Man thinks for a minute, grinning he says, “He's a lover not a fighter.”

“What's he got that I don't?  I'm looking at you Mural Man I'm thinking we look a lot alike.”

“Really?”  Mural Man asks.

“Well yeah.”

House returns to the bonus room, “You're still here?”

“Yes he is.” Mural Man answers House.  “We were talking.  He says he thinks we look a lot alike.   He wonders what Monitor Man has that he doesn't.  Do you think we look alike?”

House starts to open her mouth in protest.  She looks at Mural Man, then at Tinkletoes. “Possibly.  If you were cleaned up, put in an excellent costume.  Yes Tinkletoes, you could be mistaken for Monitor Man, in a dark alley by a blind person.”

TP pops in the room in front of Tinkletoes, “You scream like a girl.”  The faerie giggles and disappears in a puff of smoke.

“And Monitor Man doesn't?  I fought in a war with him.   A guy like that, he totally screams like a girl.  I'll prove it.”  Tinkletoes says pulling his phone out of his pocket he starts searching the Internet for confirmation. “See here it is.” Tinkletoes says, he walks across the room and leans against the wall between them so the murals can see what he found.

There it was, Monitor Man running out of a haunted obstacle course nearly running over the children in front of him and screaming loudly.

“Just like a girl.”   Tinkletoes says beaming.  “Waaaay louder than I screamed.”

The man holding the camera stops Monitor Man to ask him if he knew he screamed that way. The actor looked right at the camera and said, “Of course, I do that on purpose.  Studies show that if you are already scared and someone behind you screams, you'll scream too.  Even louder than the person behind you.” Monitor Man grins.   “I like to read psychology sometimes between takes.” He grins bigger, his eye twinkles.

House glares at Tinkletoes.   “He sounds like a really smart guy.”

“He's used to being in the public eye. It's probably some canned answer he keeps hidden away for this type of moment.”

“You think he goes to haunted houses and scary movies enough that he needs a canned answer to explain his girlish screams?”  House asks.

“Well, yeah.”

Tinkletoes pulls up another embarrassing piece of footage to share with Mural Man.

“What's this all about?”  House asks.

TP pops back in the room. “Tinkletoes likes Writer Lady.  He wants her attention. Tinkletoes is jeal-ous...” The faerie sings out.

“That's not it.”  Tinkletoes tries to argue.

“If Writer Lady likes Tinkletoes he thinks he won't have to buy her a new lawn mower too.  Silly human.  It's not going to work.  Tinkletoes will pay!  Pay over and over.”   TP says giggling.

House glares at Tinkletoes.

“What?”

“You wonder why I don't like you.”  She says.  “First thing mercenary, you have to decide what your first priority is Writer Lady's love or not having to buy that lawn mower.”

“Can't I have both?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“If Writer Lady is your priority,” House says pointing to Tinkletoes' search results.  “Keep watching Monitor Man.  Watch and learn soldier.  Watch and learn.”

“What can he teach me? Besides, it doesn't matter how many women want him he has a girlfriend.   I heard him say it.  More than once.”

“He can teach you how to get a girlfriend, moron.”  House says, pointing to an item on the phone.  “TP” she calls.  The item is immediately called up on Tinkletoes' phone.   It is an excerpt from an entertainment news show.   It was recorded the day before.

There are two female anchors sitting at a desk in front of a colorful set.  Large movie posters and pictures of actors and actresses are posted behind them.   A large “Hollywood” sign hangs above the posters.

Attention Ladies Hollywood's sexiest hottie is single again.  Monitor Man has recently broken up with his long time girlfriend, Incredibly Hot Woman. But if you want him you're going to have to act fast.  He already has someone he's interested in.  When we give you this scoop you will be shocked.   Stay tuned...

Everyone waits for more information.  The show picks up where it left off, cutting straight to an interview with Monitor Man.

“So Monitor Man what kind of woman has caught your eye?  She must be something to draw your attention from Incredibly Hot Woman. Which rising starlet is it?  Give us a hint.”  The interviewer asks.

“I won't give you any names.  I want to respect her privacy.   Besides, I don't even know if she would like a guy like me.” Monitor Man grins. “I will tell you this she's bright, funny and independent.  Oh and kind of spunky.”

Tinkletoes runs a hand across his mouth.  “It's her.   It's Writer Lady.  He likes Writer Lady.   If she sees this I have no chance.   She can't see this.”  Tinkletoes sends an e-mail with footage from the entertainment show attached and the message, “Call me after you've seen this.  Tink.”

Ten minutes later the phone rings.

“Duuuuuuude.”

“Thanks for calling Ray.”

“So what's up man?” Ray asks.

“Do you remember the story I told you about the Ninja Zombie war?  The actor guy?”

“Sure.”   There are munching noises in the background.   “That guy is super hot. You are so lucky he had a girlfriend or I'll bet Writer Lady would have run off with him.”

“The attachment in the e-mail I just sent you? That's the guy.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Duude, the guy in the video...he's single.”

“He wasn't during the war.”

“You fought in a war side by side with Monitor Man?  Duuude.  That is so cool.” Ray says.  The munching continues.

“Writer Lady and Monitor Man fought side by side.   I was at the other end of the hall doing the real damage.   That doesn't matter.  What matters is, he's single now.  He said he is already looking at someone.  He's looking at Writer Lady.  My Writer Lady.”

“Just a sec.  I have to send this attachment to my mom.  She thinks Monitor Man is so...hot.   She's been really bummed since that other dude got married.”

“No!  Don't spread that thing around.  I don't want Writer Lady to find out.”

“Sorry man but Mom would totally kick my ass if she found out I knew about this and I didn't tell her.  I'd never eat again.”  Ray says, crunching on something loudly.  “The cheese puffs are gone.”  He says crumpling up the bag. “I love cheese puffs.   This really sucks.”

“Ray.  I need you to focus.”

“My phone's beeping.  Just a sec.”

Tinkletoes paces and waits for Ray to return to the line.

“Duuude.  My mom is freaking out!   She's going for it!   She's just sure she's going to get Monitor Man's attention.   She said he just needs an experienced woman to love him.   Old ladies are so cute.”

“Ray.  I just need you to do one thing for me.”

“Mom just sent me an e-mail.   She says she's going to send Monitor Man a special picture and wait for his call.  She wants me to look at it first.”

Tinkletoes rubs a hand down his face and paces some more.

“No way.  No Way.   No Waaaaay.”