“Gentlemen.”
TP says from the podium. The faerie looks at an area above and
behind Tinkletoes as if the room is brimming over with military
personnel. “You are excellent soldiers. Thoroughly trained and
full dedicated to defending your country. Recently, it has been
brought to my attention that there is an area of your training that
has been overlooked. Your ability to interact positively with the
fairer sex.”
Carp rises from
his chair and steps to the podium, placing a hand over the the
microphone he says, “TP you can't say that.”
“I am General
Tampon Sir, please address me as such.” General Tampon A.K.A. TP
says.
“I'm sorry.
General Tampon but you can't say that.”
“It's General
Tampon...Sir!” The faerie corrects smiling.
Carp tries again.
“General Tampon Sir, you cannot put it that way.”
“You need to
pause between the Tampon and Sir. If you picture ellipses in your
mind it helps.” General Tampon instructs with a smile.
Carp rubs his
forehead with his other hand. “General Tampon...Sir. Would you
please rephrase your statement? Women no longer appreciate being
referred to as the “fairer sex”. Please don't use the “s”
word either. Children have been known to read these stories
sometimes.”
“Are you sure of
that sir?” The general asks.
Carp looks beyond
the walls of the room past a computer screen to find a pair of young
eyes, reading. Pointing to the eyes, “See out there?” Carp
asks. Pointing to the far left another pair of young eyes can be
seen.
“I see.”
General Tampon says. The faerie pulls out his note cards for Carp to
peruse before he continues the lecture.
Carp reads them
quickly. “No, no, no, that's a great joke but not appropriate.
None of that either. No diagrams.”
“No pictures
either?” The faerie asks.
“No visual
aids.”
“Film?”
“We are not
going there okay?” Carp says. “If you can't play nice then you
need to sit down.”
“Isn't there
something else you want to say?” General Tampon asks. The faerie
whispers, “You want to say, “Thank you General Tampon...Sir for
that fine introduction.”
Carp starts
muttering under his breath.
Mural Man joins
the circle, “Is there a problem?” He asks.
Carp nods and
hands Mural Man the note cards. “He can't say this.”
“It's okay we'll
just skip this part.” Mural Man looks up and peeks at their
audience...of one. Tinkletoes is slumped down in the chair dozing.
“He's almost asleep he won't know the difference. Quick question,
General Tampon...Sir, what has anything in this lecture got to do
with apologizing? Or Tinkletoes learning to treat Writer Lady in a
more friendly way so that some day they might be closer?”
“I'm glad you
asked.” General Tampon says, “Tinkletoes has a limited attention
span. He saves deep concentration for other things like designing
lightsabers, playing video games and memorizing the schematics to
various pieces of weaponry.”
All look over at
Tinkletoes who is now sleeping soundly.
“Before
Tinkletoes takes on any endeavor in life whether it be learning a new
game or attacking a new target he knows what the goal is. He knows
what the payoff looks like. I am simply showing him the payoff
before we go dragging him through a swamp laden wilderness without
any back-up or air support. If we skip ahead a little and get his
full attention we can back track to the apologies right away before
we lose him again.”
“You have to
admit that is one way to approach this.” Mural Man says.
General Tampon
grins and sticks his tongue out at Carp.
“But not the way
we are approaching it today.” Mural Man continues. “Thank you
General Tampon...Sir for your wonderful introduction.” Mural Man
says gesturing to the chairs nearby. The room grows quiet. Mural
Man finds himself at a loss for words.
Tinkletoes' head
begins to tilt to the right as he sleeps, slowly at first, then more
quickly. Eventually his head makes contact with his shoulder jerking
him awake. “What? Is it over yet? What did we learn?”
“No Tinkletoes
we are just getting started.” Mural Man answers.
“Oh. Wake me
when we're done okay? I totally agree with everything you're gonna
say.” Tinkletoes says, closing his eyes.
“No. You need
to wake up. Now.” Mural Man says raising his voice.
Tinkletoes yawns
and turns his head the other way.
Mural Mans' body
starts making crinkling noises. He steps on to the classroom floor
and stands over Tinkletoes. “Wake Up! NOW!” He yells.
Tinkletoes lifts
his head and looks at Mural Man. “Okay. It's nothing to yell
about. What's got you all worked up?”
Mural Man turns
around and steps back up to the platform. “Now let's get started.
You Tinkletoes like Writer Lady. But you need help. You're
crude, obnoxious, demanding, and you don't know how to apologize.
We are going to fix that. To-day.” Mural Man announces with a
smile.
“What is it I
have to learn exactly? To make things work out in my favor.”
Tinkletoes asks.
“The quickest
and most efficient way for you to fix things is to apologize.”
“That's not
happening. I don't do that.”
“Apologize?
Everyone says 'I'm sorry' sometimes.”
“I don't.”
“You have never
apologized?”
“Nope.”
“You have never
made good when you made a mistake?”
“I've made
amends from time to time but never apologized.”
“How is that
possible?” Mural Man asks.
Tinkletoes grins.
“Because I'm me.” He says proudly.
“Why do I feel
like we never should have gone down this road?” Mural Man mutters
under his breath.
“Because you
shouldn't have?” Tinkletoes asks.
“Yet here we
are.”
“Yep.”
Tinkletoes agrees.
“You have no
interest in apologizing do you?” Mural Man asks.
“I'm a guy.
Real men don't apologize.”
Those words hit
Mural Man just as hard as if Tinkletoes had thrown a brick right at
his head. The paper hottie with the sweet tushy knows that one of
the key elements to a real man is that he has the courage to admit
he's wrong. To apologize. “It seems we've hit a stalemate.”
Mural Man says.
“I'm not
budging, if that's what you mean.” Tinkletoes says.
Dobby steps on to
the speaker's platform, dressed appropriately as the classroom walls
begin to fall away. The ginger tabby's spurs tapping against the
floor as he walks upright. When the transformation of setting has
finished they are in a deserted ghost town from the old west. Mural
Man and Tinkletoes facing each other in the middle of the street in
full western wear, armed and ready. Dust and random tumble weeds
roll across the street in front of them.
TP is no longer a
Tampon but an outlaw complete with big black mustache, Carp is
dressed as the saloon keeper and Dobby has donned his long brown
leather duster once more. Once a browncoat...always a browncoat. ;)
The feline has a patch over one eye. (Because only the grittiest of
heroes are missing an eye). This puss has grit all right. It's
right between his toes, from scratching around...in the litter box.
This isn't about Dobby. This is about the showdown goin' down right
now in this here ghost town.
“So Dobby, what
brings you to these here parts?” the outlaw Shredded TP asks.
“You ain't been here much lately. You gonna take care of this?”
“Nope. I just
brought the soundtrack. Everyone knows you can't have a shoot out
without the music.”
“He's right.”
Carp says. “No one watches long enough to care what happens to
either party much less to see what happens if there isn't music. In
the old days, they didn't have soundtracks. The only way you knew
who won is someone got shot.”
“What if both of
them got shot?” Shredded TP asks.
“If both of them
got shot does it matter?”
“If you don't
know the facts of what happened, the tombstone just ain't gonna look
right.” Dobby's voice says from under his hat.
“Or the
obituary.” Carp adds.
“Not to mention
the campfire stories.” Shredded TP says.
“Why isn't
anything happening?” Carp asks.
“Nothing can
happen until I play the music.” Dobby says taking a pocket knife
and a piece of a small branch out of his brown duster pocket. With each new sentence
the feline cuts a strip of bark away from the wood. “They have to
have a last exchange of words. Mural Man will try to make Tinkletoes
see reason. I'm guessin' Tinkletoes will have none of it. Then
they can start shootin'.”
2 comments:
Ha,ha,ha! Well done!
Thank you so much. :D
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