Romantic Heroes and Dry Erase Boards

“Someone's going to die alone.  You resort to 'Someone's going to die alone'?” Writer Lady asks.

“If the shoe fits.”   Carp says.

“Let me tell you something you flat headed little man.”  Writer Lady says and the can of whoop a** is opened.

Ray pales at Writer Lady's tone and Dobby hides his face.

“Loved ones are nice to have around.  Having a special someone is fantastic.  But you can have a perfectly happy life without one.   The longer you carry on about being by yourself the lonelier you'll feel.  I had a husband.  I had the 'till death do us part thing' and guess what?  Death came.  I'm alone.  Well, technically I am.  Here I am “alone” and I have all of you here with me.  Dobby, his friends, his friend's friends, and my characters, not to mention all those characters in my head that haven't been born yet. My family and friends too.  It's practically impossible to be alone for more than a few hours.  I'm anything but alone thankyouverymuch.” Writer Lady stops talking, for a second anyway.  “You know what?   A wise man once said, 'Everyone dies alone.'  He's right, it's like being born.   It's one of those things a person has to do alone.  Die alone?   Heck yeah I'm going to die alone and you're going to die alone.  Ray's gonna die alone, Dobby too.  There's no other way.   So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  If you'll excuse me, I have a sick dragon in my living room.”

At first Carp doesn't say anything.  There's shock, surprise, you know all that stuff.  “Feel better?” he asks before Writer Lady has a chance to leave the room. “I was just crabby because you going into the living room to help ruins my book. You didn't have to pull out the Joss Whedon on me.  That man is brilliant," Carp says wistfully, "if only I could write something like that someday.”

Dobby rolls his eyes.

“It's a great line.  So simple.”  Writer Lady agrees.

“Yet so profound.”   Carp says finishing her sentence.   “So are you done being mad at me?”   He asks.

“I guess so.”  She responds grudgingly.

“Go Whedonites!”  Carps exclaims holding up his hand for a high five.

Writer Lady shakes her head.  “I choose to have quiet respect.”

“Because you are a leaf on the wind.”  Carp says seriously.

Writer Lady nods in approval.

“This is too cheezy.   Can we go now?”  Dobby asks.

Writer Lady leaves the room carrying TP's cage with Dobby, Ray, and Carp following close behind.

“That was close dude.”   Ray says to Carp as they're walking through the kitchen.  “You could have died.”

Carp shifts his eyes towards Ray.  “All I want to know is if she still would have made that speech if there hadn't already been a romantic hero standing in her living room.”

“If you want I could go stand outside.”  Ray offers.

Carp shakes his head and runs a hand down his face.  There is no point trying to explain.  Besides the markers, dry erase board, and a hidden stash of cheese puffs are in High Command there's no time for such things.

Tinkletoes looks up as the rest of his company enters the doorway.  “Good. You're here.  Come on.  Hurry up.” He says, putting his hand around Writer Lady's wrist and guiding her into the room.  They kneel down in a makeshift meeting area.  It's a semi-dry spot.  “Mural Man and I...”

Diomedes coughs.

“Mural Man, Diomedes, and I...”

A high pitched squeal is heard.

“Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, and I...”

“Who's Bugsy?”   Writer Lady asks.

“The stomach bug.   He lives in the dragon.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Diomedes has a stomach bug?”   She asks.  “Let's get rid of the stomach bug then.”

“He's a permanent resident.”  He counters and begins again.  “Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, and I...”

“Excuse me...'cuse me!”  House yells.

“Is there anyone else here who needs credit for the last five minutes?”   Tinkletoes calls out to the room.  He's answered with silence.  “Okay.  Last time. Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, House, and I have been working on a solution for Diomedes' diarrhea.  Diomedes had an upset stomach because of the trip here from Faerie.  When he ate the enchanted cheese balls it aggravated the dragon's already upset stomach.   Bugsy conjured his own magic to diffuse the magic in the cheese balls.   When he did...”  Tinkletoes stops and thinks for a minute,  "...it triggered a burglar alarm in TP's magic.  The original magic absorbed the new magic and then amplified it.  Causing this mess.  What we're going to do is use a little bit of TP's magic and some of Bugsy's, put it inside some food, and feed it to the dragon.   The combined magics should neutralize everything.   No more diarrhea.”

“That sounds like a plan.  What are you going to feed him?”  She asks.

“That's why I needed you.  Dobby says you're in charge of deciding about food when either of you are sick.   What should we give him?”

“Chicken noodle soup is a good remedy.”   Writer Lady says.

“Liquid just seems to make things worse.”  Tinkletoes says looking at the sprays of dragon poop dripping down all four living room walls.

“If you take out the liquid you would have some chicken, a little bit of celery, some carrots, but mostly it would be noodles.”  She points out.

“Let's put the magic in the noodles.”  Tinkletoes says.

“That might not be very healthy.  Diomedes has been sick.”

“He would eat more of them.  The noodles are the best part.”   He says.

“Noodles it is.”  Writer Lady agrees.

“This mission has three objectives.”  Tinkletoes says continuing his briefing of Writer Lady.  “They are to clean up Diomedes, clean the living room, and to make the enchanted noodles.   We need enough noodles fill up Diomedes so that his digestive system gets coated with the newly combined spell.  As you can see on this dry erase board I have divided up the various assignments.”

“You used my dry erase board?”  Writer Lady asks.   “The one in High Command?”

“It's the only one in the house.”   Tinkletoes says not looking up from the board.

“It's my dry erase board that's laying in this muck?”  She asks.

“Dragon poop.”  Tinkletoes answers.  “It's lying on the carpet which has been saturated with dragon poop.  Shit's everywhere.  There was nowhere else to put it.”

“You need me to help make the noodles right?”

“Yep.  You'll have to wait for Diomedes and TP to finish with their other jobs first.”  Tinkletoes puts one hand down on the dry erase board pushing it into the carpet further, poop seeps out from under the board as he reaches across it to a coffee table. Tinkletoes replaces the red marker he was using and retrieves a blue one.

Writer Lady's face pales at the sound.  “I'll be in the kitchen.”  She says leaving the room.

“Don't you want to see the rest of the chart?”  He calls after her.   “ I used different colors and everything.”  Tinkletoes mutters.  “Not all romantic heroes can kick ass with a dry erase board.”