When A Pirate Comes To Faerie

Pirate looks at Writer Lady expectantly.

“You were serious?” She asks.

“When it comes to an exchange of goods I am always serious.”

Writer Lady thinks for a bit. She hands first one kitten to Pirate and then the other. “Here. Hold these.” She says. Writer Lady begins searching her person for something that a pirate might find of value. She mutters as she searches.

He makes a face and gently places them on the ground next to Dobby.

As she searches, he checks on the source of the bright light. He returns to Writer Lady and attempts to move things along.

Pirate leans forward and whispers, “A bit of gold, silver, a gem or two. Anything her ladyship might have on hand.”

Writer Lady checks her wrists, her hands for rings. Her ears. She’s not wearing earrings. Did she tuck a few bills into her bra before leaving home? He may not value paper money, although, he has little reason not to. On the other hand, it doesn’t hurt to check. Writer Lady pulls her top out to get a better look.

“Would you happen to have a flask on hand?” He asks. Before she can answer, Pirate leans in and peers down. “You’ve got enough room for a flask. Possibly more than one.”

Writer Lady looks up and finds herself face to face, nose to nose, nose to face...does it matter...with Pirate. She wants to yell but quietly reminds herself that she knows little about Pirate and how he came to be of service to The Lady With The Long Golden Hair. It is possible that he is from another time. His decorum might be acceptable behavior where he is from, although she can’t imagine how. She responds quietly. “No. Not a flask to be found. Sorry.” She closes her top, as she rests her hand across the notch between her collarbones it touches something. Metal. Her necklace. Of course. “Silver will do, won’t it?” She asks, as she removes the necklace.

“Yes. I believe that I did mention silver.”

“This?” Writer Lady asks. She holds up a silver pendant.

“It all spends the same Luv.” Pirate says with a grin as he accepts the trinket and tucks it away. He returns to peering through the bushes at the source of light.

Curious as to what could be so interesting, Writer Lady leans over his shoulder for a peek.

“Could you reach ‘round front while your back there? I have an itch that I can’t seem to get to.” He says.

Writer Lady stands up and takes a step back.

“You’re not feeling as adventurous as I’d hoped you were.” He says. “My treasure lies in that clearing. If you’ll excuse me.”

Dobby pokes Writer Lady in the back of the thigh with a claw.

“Wait.” She says.

“So you are feeling adventurous.” He says. His grin has returned and eyes are beginning to brighten.

“My kitten.” Writer Lady says. She holds up Smudge Mal.

Pirate looks at the rainbow colored feline. “Yes, you have a kitten. One that was unfortunate enough to sit downwind from a unicorn sneeze. Still...she is cute enough. Have fun.” Pirate says. He turns back towards his treasure.

“Don’t...can you help me?” She asks.

“With nasal excrement from a mystical creature?”

She nods.

Pirate retrieves the silver pendant and gently bites down. “That would take magic. Magic and grooming. Do you have some water from Merlin’s well?”

Writer Lady shakes her head.

“A mermaid’s scale, freely given?”

“No.”

“What about a flea from a minotaur’s back?”

“I don’t have that either.”

“Then I’m sorry, I can’t help you.” Pirate turns around, he pushes apart palm limbs and steps into the clearing. Writer Lady and Dobby follow closely enough to see the light vanish seconds before Pirate reaches it.

“Bugger.” He says. Pirate stares at the empty and much dimmer space. “All’s fair in love and war isn’t it Darling?” He mutters. Pirate reaches up and removes a gold hoop earring with a pea size moonstone dangling from it. Removing the moonstone and replacing the gold hoop, Pirate holds the tiny stone with the tips of three fingers and stares at it. The air surrounding the stone moves, sparkling, changing the stone. It slowly grows into a crystal ball, eventually coming to rest in the palm of his hand. “Where will I be traveling to next?” Pirate asks. Within seconds, an image of an oasis on the outer reaches of a desert appears inside.

Writer Lady approaches, stopping, she stands next to Pirate and peers into the ball. “Is that an oasis?”

“Aye. An oasis located along the farthest reaches of the Desert of Neverending Thirst. The treasure that I am pursuing is quite valuable and I would expect nothing less from The Lady Of The Lake.”

She continues studying the image.

Smudge Mal’s nose presses up against the outside of the ball. “Is that a sword? Cool.”

Writer Lady peers into the ball more closely. “The Lady Of The Lake.” She whispers. She looks at Pirate, then looks at the image again. “That’s Excalibur.” Writer Lady announces.

“Could you say it just a bit louder? I’m not sure that absolutely everyone heard you.”

Spots Wash reaches out and scratches at the crystal ball. “Pretty ball. Can I play with it?” He asks.

“No Spotsy. It’s not that kind of ball.” She answers.

Pirate turns west.

Writer Lady follows.

“You wouldn’t happen to know where the nearest fresh water source is, would you?” He asks. “It appears that I’ll be taking a bit of walk.”

“There’s a stream about two miles to the north. And a river about a half a mile away. There are crocodiles hidden in the grass.” Dobby says.

“Aye. Grass Gators, as beautiful as they are deadly.” He turns to face Dobby, which doesn’t take long, the ginger tabby is behind the pirate and standing next to Writer Lady. “Thank you.” He turns around and takes a step forward...or so he thinks.

Writer Lady blocks his path.

“If you’ll excuse me.” He says.

She refuses to budge.

“This is an endeavor of the utmost importance. I have quite a walk if I want to reach the Desert Of Neverending Thirst before nightfall. It has been lovely seeing you again, but I must go.”

Writer Lady still refuses to move.

“As I told you before Milady, I am unable to help you at this time.”

“What are you doing coming into Faerie and stealing Excalibur?” She asks.

“We are not stealing. We are borrowing. Her Ladyship and I have found ourselves in need of it.”

“My sister?” Writer Lady asks.

“Yes.” Pirate confirms.

“Why? What happened? When?”

“There is bit of a situation with Her Ladyship. Her ‘Treimhse Ar Adoration’ is upon us. We are only borrowing. We have permission.”

“Permission?” She asks. “From who?”

“I do believe that you meant ‘whom’ Luv.”

Writer Lady glares at Pirate.

“I spoke with a resident and he assures me that the unannounced loan will not be a problem. The residents of Faerie cannot see me. Her Ladyship has loaned me a bit of her magic. No one will know that it’s gone including The Lady of the Lake. We really do have it all planned out. So if you’ll just let me get going.”

“You are taking custody of a magical item of tremendous value. I need to know more before I leave you to your...business. Whose idea was this? Tricking the faerie into letting you steal...”

“Na...uh...uh.” Pirate scolds.

“Convincing the faerie to lend you Excalibur.”

“Much better Milady.” He says. “Sometimes it’s not the nature of what you’re doing that’s important, just how palatable you can make it sound to others. It was your sister’s idea.”

Writer Lady looks at Pirate, she is unconvinced.

“There is something wrong with your face Luv. It looks like you’ve just eaten something disgusting.”

“I don’t believe you.”

Pirate reaches into his coat and retrieves a small mirror.

“I don’t believe that steal...”

Pirate raises a finger to his lips in a shushing gesture. “This year she has attracted not only humans, but animals and mystical beings as well. I can assure you that procuring Excalibur in a less than completely honest manner was her idea only because of the current situation.”

“Using my sister’s magic to trick the Lady of the Lake into thinking that Excalibur never left Faerie?”

“That was my idea.” He confesses.