Saturday, November 24, 2018

The Fork In The NaNoWriMo Road


As many of you know I took the NaNo Rebel route and experimented with my NaNoWriMo project this year. I did one last edit of “Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal” before beta readers take a gander. A goal that I reached yesterday afternoon. Soon I will venture into the second leg of my 2018 adventure. Starting the next book. 

A different book. A different style of writing. A different point of view. A different genre. All new characters. Because I like to mix it up and make things as difficult for myself as possible. Soon it will begin. A venture into young adult fantasy with a splash of historical fiction thrown in. Yeah. Things are gonna get interesting.

You may ask yourself, “Why would she do that?” I have to answer. “Why not?” There are six days left in the month of November. I’m determined to hold Christmas activities off until December at least. Because I’m a grown-up, I don’t want to start earlier and you can’t make me. So there. (Sticks out tongue). 

Instead of Christmas elfing, I want to snuggle up at home with my coffee and my leggings and write about wizards, elves, and stuff. Have you noticed how great I am at using ‘and?’ I am so talented some days that I amaze myself. This morning I had to search for my clean underwear. It was in the freezer. You don’t need to know that. It was the cats' doing, I'm sure of it.
Then what’s the purpose of this post you may ask. Wait a second...(thinking, light bulb appears above head). The purpose of this post is to help my fellow NaNoWriMos as they come to the end of their journey.

Yesterday afternoon, after I finished my edit, after I checked my word count, earned my certificate, and watched the congratulations video, I had nothing. It was three pm and I had nothing. I had no touch down dance. No celebration planned. Nothing.

I walked through my house thinking, “That was so great. I’m proud of myself. Umm...what do I do now?”

Within minutes, everything that felt perfectly balanced was thrown off kilter. I found myself looking for things to do, anything. I cleaned. I cooked. I perused streaming services for an hour until I found something to watch. 

Fellow NaNoWriMos. Be ready for the sudden drop after you have crossed that NaNoWriMo finish line. Stop. Take thirty minutes now and set something up before you finish. Get that celebration planned even if you just go out with friends for a while. Make plans that will fill the sudden opening of time until you’ve had the chance to adjust back to the way you lived before NaNoWriMo. You’re going to need it.

I must bid you adieu. I see something walking out into the clearing. What is it? A white-tailed deer? A wizard? An elf? To find out you'll have to wait for the next book.


Friday, November 16, 2018

Finding Your NaNo Schedule (Ramblings From High Command)


November 16, 2018

It is November 16th and we are officially over the halfway mark for NaNoWriMo. Although I came into High Command to continue my edit of “Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal.” Yes. This year, I am completing a third edit of the novel that I wrote last year. Because that’s what NaNo Rebels do. We don’t follow the original script. ;)
Let me share this with you in the longest most drawn out way possible because that’s what I’m good at. Seriously, ask anyone.
The work week is over and it’s Friday night. I have promised my mom for the last three nights in a row that I’m going to take the night off entirely and relax. Yeah...that hasn’t happened. But, I have to say that I am working at quite the leisurely pace at this point.
After I finished my meal, put some clothes in the dryer, and tidied the kitchen, I retired back to the couch and a stream of “Fantastic Beasts 2: The Crimes of Grindelwald” promos on YouTube. Hey, I’ve been waiting over a year for this movie. Okay? Besides, I had to sit back and take the promos/reviews in. It relaxes me.
Well, I found myself shifting around on the couch, looking around the room, back at the television, and shifting around a little more. After a few minutes of that, I checked the time on my phone. Eight pm. It was eight pm and I was not editing nor was I in High Command.
I have a day job and during the month of November a night job as well. I was not doing my job. Even though it was Friday and I could have gone to the movies or done something recreational. Okay...it probably would have been a movie. It is NaNoWriMo, it is eight pm. Guess what? The television goes off and I get back to work.
When you’re taking part in NaNoWriMo it is difficult to change over to the more intense writing schedule. This is my third year. I am taking to it a lot more easily than I have in the past. 
At the beginning of NaNoWriMo, the first three – five days...it’s fun and exciting to race home at night and work on the next “Great American or British or Canadian or South African or Spanish (you get the idea) Novel.” After that there are a few nights where you sit on the couch and whine really quietly to yourself about how you don’t want to do this anymore. Okay, the cats can hear you but only because they have freakishly good ears. Okay ...your mom can hear you too but only because you’re whining into the phone. You don’t do that? I thought that everyone did that. I’d better tell my writer friend (fidgets and looks around the room) who happens to whine a lot. It’s not me, I promise.
By day fifteen you have not only established a schedule but your schedule. If you deviate from the script, something feels off.
Which is what happened tonight, I realized that I have found my work schedule. I am at the point now when I can sense when it is time to be working. What is that called, my Spidey sense? No. My Writer Sense. When that starts tingling...find pen and paper, find a computer, find the laptop, find a chalk board, find something because things are happening and if you aren’t writing them down...(lowers head) bad writer. Bad Writer.
It’s time for me to get back to business. My Writer Sense is tingling.

Because: Telling stories...it’s what I do.
Sweet Dreams.

---HR Apostos

P.S. Think of me while y’all are at the movies. NO SPOILERS!

Saturday, November 3, 2018

Hello November


I love writing. I love talking to people about writing. Some days I even write about writing. When a writer writes about their life as a writer, sometimes it’s difficult to decide how much to share about your life and how much to keep to yourself. Tonight I am making the conscious decision to share a little bit more about my writing life. Mostly in an effort to explain why there will be no new fiction this weekend.
November brings cooler temperatures, fallen leaves, cider, and pumpkin spice flavored everything. For a few thousand people it also marks the beginning of NaNoWriMo. NanoWriMo (National Novel Writing Month) is a program that encourages anyone to write a fifty thousand word novel over the course of thirty days. I have only reached the fifty thousand word goal on time once. The year that I wrote “Heather Darling and the Case of the Killer Tampon.” I skipped a couple of years, participated again last year and wrote about two-thirds of “Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal.”
I spend a lot time at a computer at my day job and have been adapting my life choices to reflect that; which means spending a significantly lower amount of time at my computer at home. This year, instead of fast drafting a novel I will be finishing my final edit of “Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal” before it goes to beta readers. I was over a third of the way through my third edit of the book when spring hit with its myriad of outside chores and other activities. There are editing months within the NanoWriMo program but I didn’t quite stick with it last year. Okay?
Then I lost my third edit. It’s on the hard drive...somewhere. So for NaNoWriMo this year I am editing. A good edit can take about two weeks...without a day job, errands, socializing, household chores...you get the idea. With all of the other stuff, it takes a little bit longer.
My plan for this year had been to start writing a stand alone young adult fantasy novel tentatively titled, “The Wizards in the Woods,” which stems from a tall tale I told my great nephew when he was two. Raiden is six now. Seven? No six. My point is that this story has been cooking for a bit. In order to start the fantasy novel, I have to edit “Heather Darling and the Case of the Clockwork Cannibal” that’s the deal that I have made with myself. I would like to start “The Wizards In The Woods” during the final days of NanoWriMo 2018.
I am an editing fool at the moment.
You may not see much new fiction from me this month. I regret not being able to finish the story that I had been writing before November began. It will continue in December at the latest. If you haven’t noticed, I can be a bit long winded at times. I wanted to let readers know what is going on and to let y’all know that if you do not see new fiction I will try take a few minutes here and there to share my NanoWriMo journey with you.
The process of fast drafting a novel may no longer work for me in its entirety but the practice of focusing closely on a writing project for thirty consecutive days is still highly useful. It was what drew me to the program initially, I want to take advantage of that and as a result, write better books.
Welcome to November and a little bit of craziness in my neck of the woods. (Looks behind reader). Did you bring a sleeping bag? This could take a while. You’ve got a backpack there too huh. Did you bring any snacks? Dinner was light. Dessert isn’t so great either.


Saturday, October 20, 2018

Testing The Patience of a Self-Proclaimed Mercenary


“I’m just pointing out that the attic disappearing was funny until you realized that something of yours was up there too. How you take that information is up to you.”
“Like I said, she has a mean streak.” Tinkletoes says.
Writer Lady watches as Tinkletoes studies the room. Particularly where the wall meets the ceiling. The self-proclaimed mercenary sets his mug down on the counter. He retrieves a chair, placing it as close to the wall as possible, he stands on it. Tinkletoes begins pushing at the air where the ceiling used to be.
“What are you doing?” Writer Lady asks.
“What if this is one of House’s tricks? What if the ceiling and the attic are still here?”
“Like an optical illusion?” She asks.
He nods.
Writer Lady shakes her head. “Not possible.”
“Why?”
“Because if the ceiling was still there you would have knocked yourself unconscious. Your head is where the attic used to be.”
“Really? I didn’t realize that your ceiling was so low.”
“Where do you think the mud that was stuck to it last spring came from?"
Tinkletoes waits for more information.
“Your head. You came in last spring covered in mud after one of your and Carp’s camp outs.”
“It wasn’t a camp out.” He corrects.
“Okay, play date.”
“Carp is in training. He wants to be the greatest assassin in the world, he can’t do that without knowing how to disappear and go into hiding.”
Writer Lady looks at the six foot four inch self-proclaimed mercenary in his desert brown and forest green mixed camo garb. Tinkletoes has paired it with a black t-shirt encouraging sci-fi geeks of all philosophies to ‘Co-exist’ and asks, “You were going to teach him how to blend in?”
“Invisible. I’m like a chameleon, woman. I can walk into any bait and tackle shop in the state and no one blinks an eye.”
“That’s because they’re busy trying to close their mouths.”
Tinkletoes looks at Writer Lady. She turns away and checks on the kittens. He continues to study the room, contemplating where his hilts might be.
TP pops into the kitchen. “They’re not gone. You just can’t see them.” The faerie says.
Tinkletoes looks at TP. “Really? I had no idea.” The self-proclaimed mercenary responds. He clenches his jaw as he steps down off of the chair and commences looking in cabinets.
“What are you looking for?” Writer Lady asks.
“My hilts, a portal to my hilts, a hand to come through the wall and present me with what I want.”
“That would be the Lady of the Lake. She only looks after Excalibur so unless you need an enchanted sword...” Writer Lady counters.
“The Lady of the Lake can only visit if there’s water. Silly Human.”TP giggles.
Tinkletoes looks in both sinks then opens the dishwasher, seeing nothing but dirty dishes, he closes it to find Writer Lady glaring at him. “It was worth a try. Is there anything in the washer?”
She does not answer and continues glaring.
“I’m thinking that’s a ‘no’.”
TP flies in front of Tinkletoes and says, “They are not gone. House will give them to you, all you have to do is ask.”
Tinkletoes looks at the ceiling. “I want my hilts. Now!”
A piece of paper is fed down between the edge of the kitchen’s decorative molding and the wall. It falls to the floor. Tinkletoes picks it up. “No way Jose.” The self-proclaimed mercenary uses several choice words.
“You haven’t asked yet.” Writer Lady points out.
“Yes I did.” Tinkletoes counters.
“You didn’t ask. You ordered. Ask this time.”
Tinkletoes takes in a breath and prepares to begin shouting.
Writer Lady holds up a hand finger extended in a ‘wait’ gesture. “Ask nicely.”
“House, I’m ready for my stuff.”
Writer Lady rolls her eyes.
“TP will help.” The faerie proclaims. He flutters close to Tinkletoes and waves his hand along Tinkletoes’ jawline.
“My dear House, would you please be so kind as to return my hilts to me? I would really appreciate it.” The words flow out of Tinkletoes’ mouth to his and Writer Lady’s surprise.
“No.” House’s voice echoes throughout the room. “That request was not authentic.”
“Give me my hilts.”
“No!”
The color rises up Tinkletoes’ neck to his face turning both a vibrant red. “If you won’t bring them to me, I’ll find them myself.” He begins opening drawers, doing his own search. He tries to anyway. The moment that he pulls open a drawer it closes again.
“Don’t try my patience Tinkleboob, you can’t begin to keep up with me.” House proclaims. All of the cabinets and drawers begin opening and closing simultaneously.
Writer Lady moves out of the way. Tinkletoes runs back and forth across the kitchen looking for a glimpse of his precious hilts. Carp and Ray enter the kitchen a few minutes later.
“Morning all.” Carp says.
“Dudes.” Ray calls.
“Good morning. You’re just in time for the show.” Writer Lady says.
“A little help here.” Tinkletoes says between dashes.
Sure.” Carp says, as the assassin-in-training begins to help. “What are we doing?”
That’s easy.” Ray says, “Tinkletoes is trying to get a look in House’s drawers. You really need to find better hobbies, man.” Ray starts looking in the drawers located closest to the pantry. “I wonder if there are any cheese puffs around here.”
The pantry door opens and a bag of cheese puffs flies out at Ray. He catches it. Ray quickly opens the bag and commences snacking.
Tinkletoes notices Ray’s lack of movement out of the corner of his eye. He stops searching and asks,What are you doing?”
“Eating cheese puffs.” Ray answers.
“Where did you get them?”
“House.”
“Did you ask for those?”
Ray answers slowly, between bites. “I said, ‘I wonder if there are any cheese puffs in here.’ She sent a bag flying, I caught it.”
Tinkletoes looks at Writer Lady. “He didn’t ask.” The self-proclaimed mercenary looks up and yells at the ceiling. “You gave him cheese puffs and he didn’t have to ask for them.”
“Yeah...and...so. What are you going to do about it, Tinkleboob?”
“What are you going to do about it?” Writer Lady asks.
A grin crosses Tinkletoes’ lips and a light comes to his eyes. “With an enemy like House a soldier always needs a secret weapon. I’m going to use mine.” The self-proclaimed mercenary reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a piece of drawing charcoal.

Sunday, October 7, 2018

When Changing Houses


“Changes to floor plan will commence in five, four, three, two, one...”
“Again?” Writer Lady stands in the middle of her bathroom wearing her bathrobe and waits for the walls to stop moving. The walls change from a white to a cool mint green color. She looks at the walls and mutters, “I feel like I traveled through time and been dumped in an ice cream parlor. All the room needs now is pink and white stripes.”
In a matter of seconds, accents are changed and Writer Lady finds herself surrounded by pictures and accessories covered in stripes of crisp white and bubble gum pink.
“And the nightmare is complete. Thanks House.”
“You’re welcome.” House responds.
She lets out a sigh and exits the bathroom only to find herself at the end of a long hallway. A hallway that looks like someone poured melted rainbow sherbet all over its walls or a unicorn sneezed all over them. At least there wasn’t any glitter. Not yet anyway. Rainbows and unicorns are usually followed by some sort of glitter.
The hallway narrows and lengthens with every step that she takes. Eventually Writer Lady reaches the final stretch. Spots Wash and Smudge Mal sit at the hallway’s end. The pair of kittens study her closely with a look of focus and determination. Writer Lady recognizes that look. It’s a look of...hunger. She closes her eyes for a moment. When she opens them both cats are at her feet. Each kitten is sitting on his hind legs, looking up at her adoringly, empty bowl in paw.
“Food Provider, we love you. Feed us.” They cry.
“In a minute.” She answers. Writer Lady walks past them and turns right only to find another bathroom, This time, it’s flowery and pink. “Hell no. That is not staying.” To the left is her bedroom. “Finally,” escapes her lips as she enters the room, a pair of hungry kittens in tow. “Give me a second guys. I’ve just showered. Let me get dressed, then I’ll feed you.”
“We’re hungry.” Smudge says.
“We’re starving.” Spots cries.
“We need food now.” Both insist in unison.
“I’ll be right with you kitties.” She responds, removing clothes from the closet and undergarments from a drawer. “This will just take a minute.” Writer Lady is beginning to open her robe when a voice behind her says.
“You’re making them wait?” Tinkletoes asks.
Writer Lady closes her robe and turns to face the self-proclaimed mercenary. Tinkletoes is standing just outside the doorway with his favorite mug in hand.
“Yes. I’m asking them to wait while I get dressed. If you don’t mind.” She gestures for Tinkletoes to turn away and runs into the bedroom closet. “After I get dressed I will take these two into the kitchen and feed them.” She calls as she gets into her clothing.
“Good.” Tinkletoes calls back. “I’ve already been here for an hour and there still isn’t any coffee.”
Writer Lady steps out of the closet in her clothes and looks at Tinkletoes. She looks him over, studying him. “Have you broken both of your hands since you were here last?” She asks.
“No.”
“Then why didn’t you make the coffee?”
“It’s your house. It’s impolite to go mucking around in someone else’s kitchen.”
“Impolite?” Writer Lady questions, raising an eyebrow.
“Yeah.” Tinkletoes looks back at Writer Lady. His facial expression changes from one of confidence to one of confusion. He turns to the kittens. “Impolite. That was the right word, wasn’t it?”
Writer Lady clears her throat.
He looks at her again.
“The real reason that there isn’t any coffee made?” She asks.
“I’m the only one here so far. I’m not doing girl stuff.”
Writer Lady gives Tinkletoes a look of disdain. “If you want coffee, what are you doing here in the bedroom?”
“TP said that the kitchen was down this hallway.”
“No, it isn’t. The kitchen was next to the bonus room when I came to bed.”
“It’s not there now.”
“Changes to floor plan will commence in five, four, three, two, one...”
“Kitties!” The kittens run to Writer Lady and she scoops the pair up to safety. They watch as Tinkletoes disappears and the walls begin moving. The bed and dresser are replaced with the refrigerator and the stove. The door to the closet disappears and is replaced with what Writer Lady hopes is her pantry. The walls change from a dark espresso wood paneling to a much lighter pine.
“Okay, it’s a country theme.” Writer Lady mutters. “I might be able to get used to this.”
The windows get bigger and a small greenhouse window is added.
Writer Lady quickly calls out, “House, remember our agreement.”
The greenhouse window disappears to be replaced with a picture of a rooster. The larger windows shrink back to their original size.
Smudge looks up at Writer Lady. “I thought that you said that you wanted one of those.”
“I do but House and I have an agreement that no changes are to be made to her exterior.”
“Why?” Spots asks.
“How do I explain to the neighbors how things like second stories or windows are added without a single workman coming to the house?”
“That would be hard.” Smudge agrees.
The walls have stopped moving and things are no longer appearing or disappearing. Writer Lady finds the cats’ food dishes and quickly fills them.
“Looking good.” Tinkletoes says as he enters. “The new table is really big too, there’s room for everyone. I just passed it.” He continues looking around. “There it is.” He says with a gesture towards the counter closest to the stove. “There’s coffee.” The self-proclaimed mercenary announces as he crosses the room and pours himself a cup.
Writer Lady peruses the new kitchen more closely, “If the kitchen is in here then where’s the bonus room?”
“Maybe House used some of the space for a bigger kitchen.” Tinkletoes offers.
Writer Lady looks up. “The ceiling is higher.”
“Great, isn’t it?” Tinkletoes says. “It’s not so dark now.”
“If the ceiling higher then where is the attic?”
Tinkletoes looks at the new ceiling, “It looks like House got rid of it.”
“I have things stored up there.”
“Not anymore.”
Tinkletoes sips his coffee while Writer Lady fixes her own mug.
“I left prototypes for a new hilt design in the bonus room.”
Writer Lady looks at Tinkletoes with a blank expression.
He puts down his mug and mimics striking down a Sith lord.
“Oh...your toys.”
“Collectibles.”
“Between Ray, Dylan, Furnatche and the kittens being here...I decided to put them somewhere safe. They’re in the attic.”She grins mischievously.
Tinkletoes looks at the ceiling where Writer Lady’s attic used to be. “But the hilts are important. I need those.”
“No attic, no toys. It looks like they’re gone now.” Writer Lady points out. There’s more grinning.
 "Did I ever tell you that you've got a mean streak?" 




Monday, October 1, 2018

What Makes A Good Hero


I do not like to blog about writing because it seems like everyone who writes writes about writing. I prefer to travel off of the path that everyone else is taking. While I’m writing, anyway. Tonight, I feel compelled to share. When I feel compelled to share then y’all get a page full. At least. Because for me, talking writing = lots of words.
By the way, if I ever become too long winded, ask me about my cats, switch to cooking, move into shopping for food and skip over to going to the mall. I hate shopping. It shuts me up at least eighty percent of the time.
  Let me get back on topic. Yesterday, I was mowing my lawn. Yes, I’m still mowing. I don’t control the weather. Anyway, I was mowing and thinking about regardless of how much I enjoy doing it, after a full spring and summer of yard work I am ready for a break. Then that all too common phrase popped into my head, “I need a hero.” I need a hero, someone to save me from my yard work.
  Wishing for a hero to save you from your yard work is kind of like praying to God to save you from not finding toilet paper after you’ve sat down on the toilet in your own home and the house is empty. It seems like a waste of air. Heroes and deities are there for the hard stuff. In my mind at least. Yard work and missing toilet paper are not difficult problems.
The phrase, “I need a hero” led me back to heroes. What a hero is and how they should be defined. There are so many different types of heroes in writing. The hero, the reluctant hero, the anti-hero, the superhero among other variations. I thought more about it. A hero. If I got my hero, how would I describe him. I thought about it for several laps around the yard. I came up with this.
        The guy who shows up. 
  That’s it. It’s that simple. Silly huh? 
  Think about the heroes that you read, watch on television or in movies and talk about. They all have three things in common. They see that something is going wrong, they show up, and do everything that they can to help.
   I was thinking about heroes again tonight. Not because of yard work this time. I was just skipping through my thoughts and stopped there. It happens sometimes. Okay, a lot of the time. Most of the time.
  The people who show up make the best kinds of heroes. The characters who have difficulties, challenges, angry bosses, empty bank accounts, rebels trying to stay out of trouble but who stick their heads out there anyway (like Han Solo). Why do you think that Superman loved Lois Lane yet had a terrible time talking to her? Why did he have a horrible reaction to kryptonite? Without those things he would have been too perfect. To be accepted by readers he needed a weakness or two, some vulnerability. He needed to have humanity. All heroes do, but the people who see trouble, drop what they’re doing and show the hell up, they are the true heroes.
If you want to write a good hero, write characters that show up and help in every way that they can. They don’t have to be rich, gorgeous, have six pack abs, laser eyes, or capes. They just have to show up.

Sunday, September 23, 2018

The TrueBlue Stages Of Not Dating PT 3


Which brings us to Stage Four: Somewhere around the end of year three the beginning of year four you will begin to hear this question: “Don’t you get lonely?” Yes. You will. And not just once. People will ask you this repeatedly. 
 I’m not sure why. I don’t know if people think that I’m lying or are just trying to wear me down. Yeah. I get lonely. But it’s like every other feeling, it passes.”

Tessa hears a voice from the audience say, “Hunger is a feeling too. It passes, but if you ignore it, it keeps returning. Stronger and more insistent each time it returns.”
She thinks about her answer and grins. “Yes. When my “hunger” is strong enough and the right candy bar, pie, or roast beef sandwich is in front of me I will...”

Tessa stopped typing and wondered if she was using the appropriate analogy for this topic. Her phone buzzed.

That’s good. Keep it going. --Chty.

“How do you know it’s good?” Tessa asked the phone.

Your laptop is connected into our system. We can read what you’re writing after every ‘save.’

“Oh.”

Keep going.


She looks at her audience. “feast. When that happens, I will feast. Unfortunately, I have yet to encounter a meal where both parties, food and eater of food… this is just getting weird, I’ll finish saying it anyway. Where both parties involved have the same interest in one another.
 The ‘No thanks, I’m not hungry at the moment’ explanation works for about a year. Hopefully by then you’ve seen a candy bar that you can’t live without and is as into you as you are into it.
 Stage Five: Stage five is embarrassing. Sometime during year five, people are going to take the time to count how long it has been since you have actually been part of a couple. Eventually someone is going to ask, 'What is wrong with you exactly? Do you have a disease or something?'"

Tessa’s audience goes quiet.
I have several answers for this question. Sometimes I like to hint that there are voices in my head that tell me to do things that make boyfriends disappear which is kind of fun. A little bit dark, but fun. Saying that I’m only on planet Earth because my alien race is preparing to attack and I’m collecting intel is also a good one. Then there’s short and rude. ‘Yes I have a disease and it’s called taste.’”

"That was a bit harsh." Tessa muttered to herself.

No that was funny. Keep going. --Brad


When you say that, usually the person that you say it to never speaks to you again so use that answer carefully.
Stage Six: This is the stage when someone asks you, 'Isn’t It Selfish Not To Date?'”
Tessa weaves in and out among the occupied tables and chairs.

I never understood that question. If anyone ever figures out what is selfish about not dating please let me know.
Here we are at Stage 7: This is when you're asked, ‘What was wrong with you again?’ 
 Because people are deeply curious at this point. Are you going through a major trauma? Are you confused sexually? Have you switched teams? No, No and NO. They have to ask again because there is also always the chance that you lied about not having issues the first time.
Keep in mind that after several years alone, being subjected to uncomfortable questions at regular intervals, watching other people as they meet someone, date them, fall in love and move into a committed relationship you may begin to question if something is actually wrong with you. After all, how can so many friends, loved ones, and random acquaintances be wrong?”

So, is there something wrong with you? Chrty texted. JK

You’d better be. 
 
The honest truth about being single for over five years...”

“It sounds more like seven.” A voice calls out.

...the truth is that there is good and there is bad. There are fun times and dark days. Some days you may find yourself asking, 'Why not me? Why not right now?' On other days you will feel like you’re still looking for the roast beef sandwich that...hits the spot. The fact is, that as long as you’re okay with things the way that they are, then they're okay. You’re okay. Everything is okay.
Don't worry. Eventually...you’ll get that sandwich.
Remember, it’s okay to enjoy what you’ve got right now. Someday soon there will be probably be snoring in your ear at two in the morning when all you want is silence so you can sleep.
   For the moment, Amant Autem, love the now, folks. Love the now.”

Nice work Tessa! --Chrty

Run a spell check and send it as a secure e-mail. We’ll take it from here. --Brad.

(Cough-cough) --Chrty.

Oh and...nice work--Brad.

Tessa did as instructed then she sat back on the couch, took a moment, and looked around her apartment. Her eyes stopped at one of her favorite pictures. An old tournament photo from her father’s college days. She leaned into the picture and said, “They liked it Dad. They liked my story.” The image in the picture moved. She watched as her father inhaled briefly, smoke seeped out of each nostril, joining ends to create the shape of a heart. Tessa smiled. “I love you too Dad. Hug Mom for me.”

Saturday, September 22, 2018

The TrueBlue Stages Of Not Dating PT 2


Don’t write that lonely, single girl crap. I hate that. Oh and Brad will love the piece if you make it funny.
-- Chty

Tessa looked at the clock. Four pm. "I guess I’ll just write something and hope that it can be carved into something better." She muttered to herself.

“So, why are you single?”
Everyone has heard that question at one time in their lives or another.
I want to ask, why?
Why do single people have to explain why they’re single if married people don’t have to explain why they’re married?
It’s such a common question. But a rude one that our society has accepted as okay.

No, No, NO! That is not funny. At all.
Tessa had been single for seven years. In 2019, it would be eight. After the first three to five years of explaining her single status it had become tiring. She noticed that after the first five years, people had started to wonder what was wrong with her because she had been single for so long. The questions became more frequent and more probing all of the time.

Her phone buzzed again.

One trick for writing a good humor piece is to write it like a monologue, like you’re speaking in a comedy club or telling a group of friends a funny story.
-- Chty

Tessa texted back a half-hearted: Thnx.

Tessa tried to picture herself in a comedy club. She’d never been to one so she decided to picture her cousin Samurai’s bar and grill. It was small and located in a remote village.
  Her cousin, Samurai, loved the family but he also believed that absence made the heart grow fonder. He also never played well with others.
Winters were long in the village. When the nights got too long people would hang out at Samurai’s. They would take turns standing in the center of the room and entertain each other. Tessa closed her eyes and pictured them in her mind. She remembered musicians, poets, jugglers, conjurers. There was a lady wearing unusually marked robes that called herself, “The Enchantress of Lost Species.” The lost species were always invisible. No one could see them but the enchantress herself.
A smile that began in Tessa’s eyes found its way to her lips and she began scribbling furiously. Within moments, she could see herself standing in the middle of Samurai’s bar.

She looks around the darkened room. She can make out shapes, figures. Not many faces, she had not been to Cousin Samurai’s since she was a young girl. “Hi. My name is Tessa. Tessa TrueBlue.”
Cousin Samurai grumbles from behind the bar. Apparently the TrueBlue legend has traveled to even the furthest reaches of her homeland. It was probably Samurai who had told them the tale. She ignores it and continues.
How many of you here tonight are single?” Tessa looks around the room. About a third of them raise their hands. Most of them are ogres. Understandable. Ogres don’t generally play well with others either.
Me too.” She smiles. “I have been single for about six years now.” Tessa focuses on a gentleman sitting close to the bar. “How long have you been single?” She asks. She puts a hand to her ear and pretends to strain to hear the answer. “Two years? Two months.”
The gentleman corrects her.
Two weeks.” She nods. “Rookie.” She says with a grin. “Wait until you’ve been single for as long as I have.”
The gentleman nods, adjusting his cravat. She recognizes him as a member of the High Council. Tessa remembers a gentleman used to stop by Samurai’s regularly when traveling from home to the capital city, Kaleidoscope, he loved...the chili.
Tessa thought for a moment, looked at the audience, then turned back to the gentleman. “No, wait...I take it back. I don’t want you to be alone this long.”
She can hear “What’s so bad about it?” echo throughout the room. A member of the audience wants to know. She looks around the room to find the source of the question and sees an attractive woman sitting in the back. The gentleman turns to look at the woman and smiles. Good for him.
Not too much is bad about it. Dealing with difficult stuff of life with no one to lean on (family is wonderful but  sometimes they're not the same) can be hard,  I get tired of deciding what to cook for dinner all of the time. When the long and cold winter nights start dragging on too long for too many weeks that’s a bear. Mostly...I’m okay with it. Then someone points it out to me and wants to talk about it. Someone always wants to talk about it don’t they?”
Some of the members of the audience nod in agreement.
There is a process that one goes through during a long stretch of time alone. Tonight, I’m going to share it with all of you. People’s questions have changed the longer that I have been single.  Okay, I admit it, my answers have changed over the years too. Here it is. What I like to call, ‘The Stages of Not Dating’. These explanations for not dating work for varying periods of time depending on how many people you have asking you questions.

Stage 1: I Got Burned. My ex-really broke my heart.
That explanation can work for up to two years for some people. Sometimes it takes longer to get over these things.

Stage 2: I’m Taking Time Off From Dating To Get To Know Myself. 
If you’re lucky, most people don’t even notice that you never started dating again and don't stop to ask how you can need a break from something that you haven't actually been doing.
Getting to know yourself is a good thing. It can be a wonderful time. You will get to know yourself, really well. Unfortunately, you also get a freakishly clear picture of what you don’t want in a mate. You could find yourself seeing these faults in everyone who is attractive to you.

Stage 3: I’m Enjoying Living On My Own.
Enjoying life as a single person is a natural next step after getting to know yourself. There are many good aspects to living on your own. If you have a lot of close family and friends you could stay in stage three for an extended period of time.
But, even the happiest, most social person is going to run into that point where loved ones start to wonder about you. 
If you’re not the most social person, all too soon they begin to question how you can be having so much fun...alone. There seems to be some unwritten rule somewhere that a person is only allowed to have so much fun by themselves. I wish someone had told me that earlier.  I would have paced myself.




Friday, September 21, 2018

The TrueBlue Stages Of Not Dating PT 1

                                                      

         The Stages Of Not Dating And How To Explain It To Family And Friends
                                                        By
                                                Tessa TrueBlue


(Brad’s first note read) Title Too Long



When one has not dated for a while, parties and family gatherings can become quite uncomfortable. A regular day at the office can feel more like a dating site interview than a job.


(Brad’s other note stated) Story too detached. Make more personal.


Tessa looked at the lines running through her copy and sighed. She looked at the clock.
“He didn’t like it.” Tessa’s co-worker, Charity commented. “It’s nearly two. You’d better get cracking if you want to make tomorrow’s edition.”
“I wrote this piece the same way that I write everything. It’s my style.”
Charity shook her head. “Not this time lil’ sis.” Charity pointed to Brad’s comment. “Make it more personal.”
“Why would he hire me to work the city desk and then turn around and have me write a personal
interest piece?”
Jed, one of the sports reporters, heard her and stopped to put his two cents in. “Relax.” He said with a smile. “The boss is just testing you out, seeing how flexible you are. You know, finding out if he can count on you to fill in on a different story if there’s a gap, that sort of thing.” Jed continues his trek to the break room.
“Don’t worry Tessa. The boss has everyone do at least one piece like this.” Charity reassured Tessa. “It’s important that he get as much information as he can regarding the new people.”
Jed reemerged from the break room just in time to nod in agreement.
“Besides this article is a great way for him to decide what his chances are with you.”
Tessa’s mouth went dry and she paled.
Jed laughed and looked at Tessa. “Not true. She’s kidding. Charity says that to all the newbies.”
“Remember that guy last summer?” She asked Jed.
“He sat across from me.” Jed recounted. “He heard the same thing from someone. I don’t know who. The next day, Brad told him to go and cover the bridal show. I remember watching him sitting at his desk, he lowered his head. Then he muttered for a bit, quietly wrote “I quit” in his notebook, set his pen down on top of it, stood up, and walked out.”
“He never even called in for his paycheck did he?” Charity asked.
“I don’t believe that he did.”
“I have never even written a personal essay.” Tessa announced. “I don’t know if I can do this.” Tessa felt the silence spread. She knew instantly that she had done it again. She had shared too much. Been too honest. This is going to be like The Expulsion all over again, she thought.
Jed looked at Charity, mouthed the word ‘Oops’ and quietly returned to his seat.
“It’s not that bad really. I’ll help you. There are some great benefits to working here.” Charity says. “For instance, did you know that you can work from home?”
Tessa shook her head.
“You can. Your friend Charity is going to buy you some time. Watch and learn, that way you can help the next newbie.”
Tessa nodded.
Charity lifted her head and yelled across the newsroom. “Brad! Tessa’s got the black plague! She’s gonna work from home!”
“She looked okay this morning!” He yelled back.
“She came home from vacation right before she started here.”
“She didn’t leave the country did she?” He called.
Charity looked at Tessa.
“I went home to see my folks.”
“Where are you from?” Charity asked.
Tessa paled and chose ambiguity, knowing that she could not begin to explain her homeland to any full blooded human. “Not from around here.”
“Why does anyone take a vacation? So they can leave the country!” Charity nudged her with an elbow. “Cough” she mouthed.
Tessa coughed.
“More, harder.”
Tessa coughed more, her face reddened at the effort.
“Yeah. Okay. Send her home.” Brad yelled. “Make sure she has the link to upload her story when it’s done.”
“Okay.”
Charity looked back at Tessa. “Okay you’re out of here until tomorrow. Pack up the laptop, go home, get comfortable, and put in your two cents about being a single lady in 2018. It needs to be uploaded by one a.m. and that’s a ‘my internet went down and there was a city wide black out excuse,’ keep in mind that people will look at you with disapproval until someone else screws up if you do get your story in that late.” Charity grabbed a sheet off of Tessa’s notepad and scribbled the needed link down. “If you aren’t uploaded by 11 pm call me. I’ll make sure you get the story in on time. Give me your phone.” She tapped quickly on the keys. “I’m listed in your phone. Now go.”
Tessa nodded. “Thank you.” She said as she left the newsroom, attempting to look appropriately unhealthy. She coughed a couple more times on her way out the door.
“Isn’t she out of here yet?” Brad called. “Someone get that desk disinfected. Now!”


Tessa sat down on the couch with her laptop after a quick shower. She looked at the screen. The cursor blinked on and off, encouraging her, urging her forward into her article. Eventually, taunting her.
Maybe I’ll do some stream of consciousness brainstorming to start.

Single
Not married
Not dating
Alone
Tired
Happy
Only watching movies that you want to on a Friday night
No one to argue with
No one to listen to
No one to snuggle
No one to cuddle on cold nights
No dirty stuff laying around everywhere
No one to cook for
No one to be nice to
No one to love

Her phone buzzed as she wrote. It was from Charity.






Sunday, September 2, 2018

VIN (a.k.a. "Untitled") PT 8


When I began writing this story, I thought that I knew what the end of it would look like. Writers always do. We all think that we are the captain of our ships. Mighty creators. Not usually.
Usually we are the pale, tired, slobs that get to run around behind those characters and write down what they do.
As it turns out, Vin had her own story to tell and Earnest who was supposed to have the equivalent of a walk-on in a film kept popping up. I would say like a bad penny but Earnest is not a bad penny. He never has been one so saying that would not only be untrue but be decidedly unladylike. Mom really emphasized the being a lady thing and the independence thing and the encouragement of intellectual thought thing. We didn’t talk about run on sentences enough apparently or it never sunk in. Take your pick.
At the end of the day, this was Vin’s story and I was just the pale slob following her. She is a character that I cannot ever imagine forgetting. I wish her and Earnest all the best. They deserve it.
--Most Sincerely HR Apostos


                                         For Vin and Earnest



“It sounds like a warning.”
“It does.” Hardy responds without looking up from his book.
“When did I write it?”
“Last week. Your husband had died, you were having a bad day.”
“I had a husband?” I ask.
“You did.”
 I study the antique clock that sits on the desk for a moment. “How old was I?”
“When?”
“When I wrote this?”
“I’m not the best judge of a woman’s age.”
I stare at Hardy until he looks up from his book.
“You are a handsome woman in your golden years. Cranky at times, but quite handsome.”
I look around. “Time isn’t continuous here?”
“No.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know.”
“That makes two of us.”
“You’ll have to use it in a story some day that way you can figure it out.” He says with a grin.
“What do I do now that I’ve seen the warning?” I ask.
“Whatever you like. It is all in your head, my dear.”
“That isn’t the most helpful answer.”
“I know.” Hardy admits and returns to his novel.
“What happens if I heed my warning?” I ask. “To my body? To my stuff?”
“I should think that someone will find you. You will be taken where you can be cared for.” Hardy suggests.
“I’ll be put away.” I have a strong urge to push myself out of the chair and run through the door as fast as my legs will carry me. That would be an immediate response. An emotional one. My warning was so...I sit back in the chair and think, swiveling back and forth. Back and forth.
After several minutes Hardy looks up from his book, “Are you staying?” He asks.
“No.”
“Are you going?”
“No.”
He looks at me. I can tell that he doesn’t quite know how to respond to my ambiguity.
“Annoying, isn’t it?” I ask.
“It is.” He admits with a smile.
After I pass several minutes in my anxiety and on the fringes of borderline panic, he speaks. “You know Vin, every point of view has at least one, if not several other angles.”
“Because any one life can take several different paths.” I continue. “I take it we’re talking destiny as opposed to free will?”
“It is true,” Hardy says, “that there are many ways to look at the path that one’s future can take...and the free will thing.”
“So the Vin that wrote this may not be the Vin that I become?”
As usual Hardy does not give me a definitive answer. “It will be a culmination of your choices that will lead you to your future.”
“There are no guarantees?”
“Very good.” He says.
I watch the fire for a bit. “Hardy...did I leave any others?”
He looks up from Don Quixote.
“Notes? In this room?”
“This is your room. Only you would know my dear.”
I begin searching the desk for more notes. Another clue. Another bread crumb something that will help propel me forward, back to Earnest, the gazebo, the difficult changes that lay before me.
“Nothing?” Hardy asks after I make disagreeable noises. As well as muttering, opening, and closing drawers. I check the clocks, a box on the fireplace mantel, the piled up newspapers from years past. There is only one place left to look. The bookshelf.
“A daunting task.” Hardy says from his seat.
I turn and look at him. “Unless there’s something else that I don’t know I’ve got nothing but time.” I return to the books and the hunt for a glimmer of hope among the stacks. “Washington, Wells, Wilde.” My finger slows at Oscar Wilde. There’s something here...then I see it. The Importance of Being Ernest. Does Earnest have anything to do with this?” I call behind me.
“I cannot divulge the future.”
“Don’t tell me there are inter-dimensional rules or something.”
“No, you made me promise not to.” He says with a chuckle. “Besides it’s fun watching you look.”
I glare at Hardy.
I made a promise.” He says.
I continue glaring. He returns to his book.
“If you wanted to know these things you wouldn’t have made me promise.”
“What about free will?”
“This is your journey. Don’t shoot the messenger.”
Deciding against checking The Importance of Being Ernest, I run my fingers along the top of each page feeling for an irregularity, before I move on. About twenty pages before the back cover, I feel something. It’s thicker than the rest of the surface, stiffer too. My hand stops moving and I lift the book from its place on the shelf. There it is. An old note card with a picture of Earnest Hemingway on it. There’s a quote that reads, “Why, darling, I don't live at all when I'm not with you.” – A Farewell To Arms. I turn it over. A note is written on the back:
Yes, a life of chasing material possessions, living for accomplishments, waiting for things or people that never come will ruin your life because needing that next thing to complete your life becomes a way of life. You break your own heart over and over again. Not all of reality is bad. - – Lve Earnest P.S. I’ll be right back.
I return to the fireside and the leather chairs with the card in my hand. “It’s Earnest.” I say handing the note card to Hardy.
Well what do you know?” He says with a smile. “How about that.”
You knew the whole time.”
If I gave you the answer that wouldn’t have been much fun.” He says.
Why does he keep disappearing?” I ask.
You’re never going to find out hanging around here.”
I smile and head for the doorway. I see the desk. The parchment sitting on the desk. The warning note. I stop and look at Hardy. “I’m going to lose him aren’t I?”
You might.”
I try to toss the feeling away but I can’t seem to take the next step.
Don’t.” Hardy says. “Don’t give up a lifetime of good times to avoid a single bad one. You will never forgive yourself.”
You’ve seen what happens if I stay.”
I’ve been here for a while my dear. This future that you’re headed for...it’s my favorite.”
I close my eyes and take a deep breath. I look at Hardy. “This had better be a good one.”
It is my dear. It is.”
Here goes nothing.” I exit the room and open my eyes to find Earnest staring at me. His face is pale.
Vin?”
It takes me a minute to find my voice, “Yeah.”
You’re back?”
I’m back.”
Earnest smiles.
Sirens are going off in the distance. “What’s that sound?” I ask.
An ambulance. Your roommate Kelly called a couple of minutes ago. She freaked out when I told her why you weren’t answering your own phone.”
She called an ambulance?”
I’m surprised she didn’t call a S.W.A.T. team.”
I look around.
Tulio should be here any second to kill me.”
I smile.
Tulio wouldn’t harm a fly. He might muss your hair while trying to kick your ass but only because Kelly would kick his ass if he didn’t at least rough you up a little bit.”
Oh. That’s good to know.”
You were gone a long time.” Earnest says. “What brought you back?”
You. I found a note in the room from you.”
From me?”
I recited the note to him.
I began talking to you when I started to get worried. Those were almost my exact words.
It helped. Thanks.”
You’re welcome.”
Voices are coming closer to the gazebo at an alarming rate. Earnest and I both watch as ambulance attendants and a stretcher race towards us.
Shall we let these gentlemen know that you’re okay?” He asks.
Yes. Let’s do that.”
I hope that you have a good story for them.” Earnest says.
I don’t know what to tell them. I’ve been a little bit busy. You’re the mysterious stranger shouldn’t you be able to come up with something quickly?”
You’re the writer.”
I look at Earnest. “Mysterious stranger.”
Not a Spaniard.” He counters.
Are you going to use that excuse for everything?”

Saturday, August 25, 2018

VIN (a.k.a. "Untitled") PT 7


“Because you are a person or something? Free will and all of that?”
“I’ve been dead for about twenty-five years and...the free will thing.”
“You’re a ghost?”
“I’m a memory. Your memory. I was a colleague of your father’s when you were just a little thing. Four, I think.”
I study his face and try to remember.
“It’s no use my dear. You were four.”
“Why do I think of you warmly?”
“I always wanted kids of my own— I never saw you or any of your siblings without gifts in hand. I needed you all to like me because I wanted to feel confident that I would be a good father some day. Being the youngest, you were my favorite. I am a little bit ashamed to admit that your gifts were just a little bit nicer than those of your siblings.”
A silence falls between us.
“Are you alright?” He asks.
“I have another question. What about the others?”
“The others?”
“The men in my stories.”
He...Hardy, for some reason I want to call him Hardy. Is it Hardy or Harvey? No...it’s Hardy.
“I would think that they might be variations of one man.”
“The man of my dreams?”
“The type of man that you think might be the one for you. You’re...figuring things out.”
“They’re all so different.”
“Are you sure?Think about your romantic male characters. Is it possible that you write different backgrounds for them, give them different careers, interests, likes and dislikes but at their core they are all essentially the same man.  They’re all kind, they care for others, and have a great capacity for love.”
“You’re suggesting that my characters are my dream man but since I don’t know the specifics the surface details vary?”
“Something like that.”
"Why?"
“Panic, fear, impatience. You have been working very hard to get it all ‘right’.”
“I have. I never seem to.”
“You will.”
Hardy. I’ve decided to call him Hardy, looks down at the volume that lays across his lap.
“It appears that I have finished with this one.” He says as he closes the book and holds it up.
I can see the spine of it from where I am sitting.
“Many thanks to you Lord Byron.” Hardy says to the book. He looks back at me. “I think I’ll go with an adventure this time. I’ve always enjoyed a good adventure.” Hardy rises from the chair to replace Lord Byron and choose his next bit of company. He stops next to the chair that I am sitting in and says gently. “Do not cry my dear, you’re doing the hard work.”
I look up at Hardy and wipe a renegade tear from my face.
“What did your father always say about the hard work?”
“That the hard work is what gets the best results.” I answer, my voice cracks a bit. “Any more advice?”
His mouth turns up with a gentle smile. "Give your love to the man who will care for your heart like the treasure that it is my dear because you have a beautiful one." He gets a wistful look, the kind smile returns, "You know my mother used to say that men are a little bit like cats. You can call, cajole, cry, and offer goodies all day long, but a man will not show himself until he decides that he wants to be seen, and not a second sooner. There is nothing that you can do to change that.”
Unsure how to respond, I raise an eyebrow.
“She had cats for my entire life. A gentleman friend or two too. The woman would know.” Hardy continues his walk to the bookshelves.
“Is that it?” I ask as Hardy peruses the shelves.
“Is that what?”
“Are we done here?”
“That would be up to you.”
I sit back in the chair and watch the fire for a few minutes.
“Eureka.” He calls.
I turn in my chair and watch as Hardy retrieves his treasure from the its resting place. He holds up the leather bound volume.
“Don Quixote.” He announces. “A wonderful book. A bit difficult to get into at first, but definitely worth the time.” Hardy practically skips back to his chair and settles in.
“Have you read it?” He asks.
I shake my head.
“Please try to make time to my dear. You won’t regret it.”
Standing up, I walk around taking in everything. One long last look before I have to go.
“It was nice to see you again my dear.” Hardy says. “I hope that you come back some time soon.”
“Thank you.” I respond as I begin to walk past the wooden desk that sits directly opposite the fireplace and affords a view of whomever sits in the reading chairs. I see something and stop. The gargantuan desk itself is quite ugly but what is sitting on it, calls to me.
The first thing that I spot are the books. A stack of my favorites. Some copies are very old. An old dance card still lays between the pages of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. I assume it is a leftover favor from a young lady’s party as Mr. Darcy’s name is written in for every other dance. A copy of Jane Eyre by Charlotte Bronte lays in the center. A battered copy of The Maltese Falcon by Dashiell Hammett is at the top of the stack.
 Then I spot the writing implement. “A fountain pen.” I whisper. I sit down on the chair behind the desk and grab it up like a greedy toddler. A fountain pen is something that I have always wanted and dream or not I am finally going to get to use one. Without thinking, I put the point of the pen to the thick piece of parchment on the desk in front of me and prepare to write. The surface has already been used.

                                                                             Never Choose Reality

You will waste your life fighting battles that can never be won.

Against demons that never take physical shape.

Eventually disease of the body, spirit, or the mind takes over and you will die alone.

Never finding the happiness that you have been seeking.


It was signed “Vin.”
I look at Hardy. “I wrote this?” I ask.
You did.”


Ancient Writings and Keyholes

  “ What language am I looking at that of the elves or that of Faerie?” Writer Lady asks. “ That is the precise question wh...