A Dragon In The Shower

Without skipping a beat Tinkletoes stands up, raising the dry erase board from the floor he calls the rest of his command over for the official briefing.

“This mission has three objectives...” he begins.   Tinkletoes' eyes follow Writer Lady until she disappears into the kitchen completely.

 Dobby quietly follows Writer Lady into the kitchen while everyone else's backs are turned.

“Mom?”

“Yes kitty.” Writer Lady answers as she opens cabinets pulling out supplies and placing them on the counters.

“Are you okay?”

“Yes sweetie.  Why wouldn't I be?”

“Tinkletoes didn't mean it.   He just sees things a little bit differently.”

Writer Lady quietly continues organizing the space, picking out the needed tools and preparing for a big mess. “I'm okay.  It's just when you have been cautious, opening up to someone can take a lot out of you.   As silly as it is, the dry erase board incident makes me wonder...”

“If it's okay to stay opened up?”  Dobby asks.

“Yes it does.”

“I knew you would be needing this.”   Dobby says.   The ginger tabby holds up a recorder.   “Press the button.” 

  A recording plays.

“whatever it is we're doing here. Think about your Mom, what she would want. If it came right down to it, if she had to choose would she want that romantic moment with the fireworks, the music playing all around and well...me or would she want to know that Diomedes is well again and no longer suffering.”

“A clean house, she would love to have a clean house too!” House exclaims.

“She'd probably want that too.” Tinkletoes agrees.

“She would want Diomedes to be okay before anything else.” Dobby says.

“That's what we love about her. Right?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Yeah.” Dobby agrees.

“It's okay to stay opened up Mom.   It's okay.”   Dobby says.

“Thanks kitty.”  Writer Lady says giving Dobby back the recorder.

“I've got to get back before anyone notices I'm gone.”

 “They are to clean up Diomedes, clean up the living room, and make a really big batch of noodles.  Magical ones.  Your assignments are fairly clear.  Let's get going men.”

“I'm not gonna do that.”  Dobby says pointing to the board.

“Why not?”

“I'm a cat.   Cats don't like water.”

“You're helping Diomedes take a shower.   You're not getting in yourself.” Tinkletoes points out.

“I don't want to help the dragon either.”  Carp says.   “No offense, turning to face Diomedes he continues, “I've just never given a dragon a shower before.”

“Nor have I had a shower before.”  Diomedes responds.

“You're perfect for each other.”  Tinkletoes says.

“I don't know, the shower is on the small side.”  Carp says.

“That's what makes you important Carp.  You're going to make sure he doesn't get turned around and break something.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Perhaps if we just took him outside and hosed him down.”  Carp suggests.

“You can't.  The neighbors might see him.”  Tinkletoes says.

“I could let Diomedes eat the neighbor.   No witnesses.”

“If you'll excuse my interruption sir, I'm not that kind of dragon.”   Diomedes announces.

“He's not that kind of dragon.   Get going.”  Tinkletoes says.  “You too Dobby.”

The ginger tabby looks up at Diomedes.   The dragon is still pale.  His scales are coated with excrement.

“Okay Diomedes let's head to the bathroom.”   Dobby says.

“Don't forget the towels.”  Tinkletoes says.

Feline, dragon, and human begin their short, slushy walk to the bathroom.

“Wash under his scales too!”

“How are we supposed to do that?”   Carp calls back.

“Doesn't she have one of those puffy things on a stick?”

Carp looks at Tinkletoes.

“Improvise.”

“Oh yes.   My goodness.”   Diomedes exclaims as he stands under the shower. “This is most enjoyable.”  The dragon is stuffed into the tub.   His tail is running the length of the tub.  Its end is sticking out.  Carp is standing on the outside of the tub by the faucet.  Dobby is at the other end, both are soaking wet.

“I understand now why there is an entire room dedicated to this amazing invention.  I feel so much better.  So happy, relaxed.”  Diomedes says.

There is a faint sound, the bottom of the tub shakes briefly.   The odor that accompanies the trembling hits Dobby directly in the face.  The ginger tabby turns a little green.

“What is that smell?”  Diomedes asks.

“You.”  Dobby chokes out.

There is another gentle sound and a rumble along the tub's floor only this time Diomedes gets a whiff too.

“That is fragrant isn't it?”  Diomedes asks.

Dobby nods and turns his head away for some fresh air coughing a little.   Returning to his post he checks on Carp who appears to be oblivious to the entire incident.

“I am sorry sirs.  This is most embarrassing.”  Diomedes says.

“Let's get this done.”   Carp says holding up a mesh brush.

Dobby holds up a shower brush and nods.

“Oh my goodness.”  Diomedes says.

“You're angry.”  Tinkletoes says entering the kitchen.

“Angry, why would I be angry?”

“It is just a dry erase board.”   Tinkletoes says.

“It was my dry erase board.”  Writer Lady counters, setting bags of flour up on the counter.

“When the living room clean up is finished the board will be cleaned up too.”  He says stepping into her space. “It might even be like new.”

“Couldn't save it?”  Writer Lady asks taking in a breath.

“No.  It was trashed.  There' a new one waiting for you in High Command.”

“You didn't have TP fix it?”

“I was lucky to get him out of the hot tub.”

“How?”  Writer Lady asks not looking up from her work.

“That was the tricky part.”  Tinkletoes steps a little bit further into her space. “But I managed.”   Standing behind her, he leans in and whispers, “I took his birthday away.”

“That doesn't sound very nice.”

“Pixie One helped.  It's not as bad as it sounds.  Diomedes is showering and the living room is being cleaned up all that's left is to make the noodles.”  Tinkletoes gets even closer. “Tell me pretty lady, how can I help you?”

“By stepping back.”  Writer Lady says.  Her breath normalizes after he exits her space.

“You really don't like me do you?”

“You've grown on me.”  She admits turning to look at him.  “You can be obnoxious but you're there for me too.   You're okay Commander.  You're okay.  I also have to say that dragon poop stinks.  You're a little bit ripe.”

Tinkletoes looks down at his combat boots.  They are covered in muck.  His camouflage pants are coated too.   “I really should get cleaned up before spending time in the kitchen.  I'll be back.”  Tinkletoes says before turning around and leaving.  He slips on a patch of sludge, nearly kissing the floor on his way out.

Romantic Heroes and Dry Erase Boards

“Someone's going to die alone.  You resort to 'Someone's going to die alone'?” Writer Lady asks.

“If the shoe fits.”   Carp says.

“Let me tell you something you flat headed little man.”  Writer Lady says and the can of whoop a** is opened.

Ray pales at Writer Lady's tone and Dobby hides his face.

“Loved ones are nice to have around.  Having a special someone is fantastic.  But you can have a perfectly happy life without one.   The longer you carry on about being by yourself the lonelier you'll feel.  I had a husband.  I had the 'till death do us part thing' and guess what?  Death came.  I'm alone.  Well, technically I am.  Here I am “alone” and I have all of you here with me.  Dobby, his friends, his friend's friends, and my characters, not to mention all those characters in my head that haven't been born yet. My family and friends too.  It's practically impossible to be alone for more than a few hours.  I'm anything but alone thankyouverymuch.” Writer Lady stops talking, for a second anyway.  “You know what?   A wise man once said, 'Everyone dies alone.'  He's right, it's like being born.   It's one of those things a person has to do alone.  Die alone?   Heck yeah I'm going to die alone and you're going to die alone.  Ray's gonna die alone, Dobby too.  There's no other way.   So, put that in your pipe and smoke it.  If you'll excuse me, I have a sick dragon in my living room.”

At first Carp doesn't say anything.  There's shock, surprise, you know all that stuff.  “Feel better?” he asks before Writer Lady has a chance to leave the room. “I was just crabby because you going into the living room to help ruins my book. You didn't have to pull out the Joss Whedon on me.  That man is brilliant," Carp says wistfully, "if only I could write something like that someday.”

Dobby rolls his eyes.

“It's a great line.  So simple.”  Writer Lady agrees.

“Yet so profound.”   Carp says finishing her sentence.   “So are you done being mad at me?”   He asks.

“I guess so.”  She responds grudgingly.

“Go Whedonites!”  Carps exclaims holding up his hand for a high five.

Writer Lady shakes her head.  “I choose to have quiet respect.”

“Because you are a leaf on the wind.”  Carp says seriously.

Writer Lady nods in approval.

“This is too cheezy.   Can we go now?”  Dobby asks.

Writer Lady leaves the room carrying TP's cage with Dobby, Ray, and Carp following close behind.

“That was close dude.”   Ray says to Carp as they're walking through the kitchen.  “You could have died.”

Carp shifts his eyes towards Ray.  “All I want to know is if she still would have made that speech if there hadn't already been a romantic hero standing in her living room.”

“If you want I could go stand outside.”  Ray offers.

Carp shakes his head and runs a hand down his face.  There is no point trying to explain.  Besides the markers, dry erase board, and a hidden stash of cheese puffs are in High Command there's no time for such things.

Tinkletoes looks up as the rest of his company enters the doorway.  “Good. You're here.  Come on.  Hurry up.” He says, putting his hand around Writer Lady's wrist and guiding her into the room.  They kneel down in a makeshift meeting area.  It's a semi-dry spot.  “Mural Man and I...”

Diomedes coughs.

“Mural Man, Diomedes, and I...”

A high pitched squeal is heard.

“Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, and I...”

“Who's Bugsy?”   Writer Lady asks.

“The stomach bug.   He lives in the dragon.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Diomedes has a stomach bug?”   She asks.  “Let's get rid of the stomach bug then.”

“He's a permanent resident.”  He counters and begins again.  “Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, and I...”

“Excuse me...'cuse me!”  House yells.

“Is there anyone else here who needs credit for the last five minutes?”   Tinkletoes calls out to the room.  He's answered with silence.  “Okay.  Last time. Mural Man, Diomedes, Bugsy, House, and I have been working on a solution for Diomedes' diarrhea.  Diomedes had an upset stomach because of the trip here from Faerie.  When he ate the enchanted cheese balls it aggravated the dragon's already upset stomach.   Bugsy conjured his own magic to diffuse the magic in the cheese balls.   When he did...”  Tinkletoes stops and thinks for a minute,  "...it triggered a burglar alarm in TP's magic.  The original magic absorbed the new magic and then amplified it.  Causing this mess.  What we're going to do is use a little bit of TP's magic and some of Bugsy's, put it inside some food, and feed it to the dragon.   The combined magics should neutralize everything.   No more diarrhea.”

“That sounds like a plan.  What are you going to feed him?”  She asks.

“That's why I needed you.  Dobby says you're in charge of deciding about food when either of you are sick.   What should we give him?”

“Chicken noodle soup is a good remedy.”   Writer Lady says.

“Liquid just seems to make things worse.”  Tinkletoes says looking at the sprays of dragon poop dripping down all four living room walls.

“If you take out the liquid you would have some chicken, a little bit of celery, some carrots, but mostly it would be noodles.”  She points out.

“Let's put the magic in the noodles.”  Tinkletoes says.

“That might not be very healthy.  Diomedes has been sick.”

“He would eat more of them.  The noodles are the best part.”   He says.

“Noodles it is.”  Writer Lady agrees.

“This mission has three objectives.”  Tinkletoes says continuing his briefing of Writer Lady.  “They are to clean up Diomedes, clean the living room, and to make the enchanted noodles.   We need enough noodles fill up Diomedes so that his digestive system gets coated with the newly combined spell.  As you can see on this dry erase board I have divided up the various assignments.”

“You used my dry erase board?”  Writer Lady asks.   “The one in High Command?”

“It's the only one in the house.”   Tinkletoes says not looking up from the board.

“It's my dry erase board that's laying in this muck?”  She asks.

“Dragon poop.”  Tinkletoes answers.  “It's lying on the carpet which has been saturated with dragon poop.  Shit's everywhere.  There was nowhere else to put it.”

“You need me to help make the noodles right?”

“Yep.  You'll have to wait for Diomedes and TP to finish with their other jobs first.”  Tinkletoes puts one hand down on the dry erase board pushing it into the carpet further, poop seeps out from under the board as he reaches across it to a coffee table. Tinkletoes replaces the red marker he was using and retrieves a blue one.

Writer Lady's face pales at the sound.  “I'll be in the kitchen.”  She says leaving the room.

“Don't you want to see the rest of the chart?”  He calls after her.   “ I used different colors and everything.”  Tinkletoes mutters.  “Not all romantic heroes can kick ass with a dry erase board.”

Fireworks

“No more butts.  It's time to fix this.”  Tinkletoes says.

“We haven't gotten to the synonyms yet.”  Dobby says.

“It's over.”

“We haven't come out the other end.”

“Dobby.”

“O...kay.”  The ginger tabby responds.

“We are going to send both types of magic into Diomedes at the same time to neutralize everything that is irritating him.”  Mural Man repeats the plan for those that did not read last week's post.   Shame on you...go back and read it.  We'll wait (waiting music plays).   Back?  Okay then.

“Your delivery system?”  Diomedes asks.

“Huh?”  Tinkletoes responds.

“How are we going to get the spells inside Diomedes?”  Mural Man asks.

“Shoot it up his a...”  Tinkletoes begins.
Dobby holds up pictures of younger readers.
“His pos...post...we'll shoot in the magic from behind.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Sir.  If you don't mind, my backside is a bit, tender at the moment.”  Diomedes says.

“Oh...um...yeah.”

“Maybe if we fed him something.”  Mural Man suggests.

“Like what?”  (More waiting music plays as several minutes pass.)  “Come on guys.  Someone must have some ideas.”   Tinkletoes looks around the room as the others avoid his eyes.  “How about you Dobby?”

“Mom always takes care of that stuff.  Illness, comfort foods.”

Tinkletoes stands up and paces the floor, squishing with every step. “Men...Something is wrong here.”

“What is it?”   Mural Man asks.

“Nothing has gone right since this whole thing started.   We are missing some of our fellow soldiers.  We need Ray and Carp.”  He says.

“Okay.”

“TP.

“The faerie that helped make this mess that makes sense.”  Mural Man agrees.

“And Writer Lady.”

Dobby looks at Mural Man gesturing furiously for him to help shoot the idea down.

“We don't need her?”  Mural Man counters.

“Yes we do.”  Tinkletoes says.

“No we don't.”

“Yes we do.”

Dobby gestures more furiously.

“No.   What do you want another woman in here for?  She's just going to carry on about the mess.  Trust me,”  Mural Man says, leaning in close,   “you don't want her here.   The females in this place are really high maintenance.”

“What!?”  House screeches.

“I didn't mean you dear.”  Mural Man calls out to House.

“Well...then!  Who did you mean?”

A tug on the leg of Tinkletoes' pants gets his attention and he looks down to find Dobby standing next to him.

“See?”  Dobby says.   “You don't want that in your life.”

Tinkletoes squats down and leans in to whisper to the ginger tabby.   “Okay Dobby.  What is this really about?”  He asks.

“You're supposed to be on a romantic quest.   If you call Mom to help then the fair maiden is saving your butt which makes the terms of your romantic quest null and void.  You won't win Mom's heart with your gesture.”

“Yeah.”   Tinkletoes says.   “That is important.   A romantic quest is a big deal.  If you think about it this thing with Diomedes happened before I had a chance to commence my journey.  My quest hasn't even started yet.”

Dobby looks at him doubtfully.

“Okay it has.  My butt isn't in any danger.   I'll be calling her in with a group of others so it's not like she heard about my quest and came looking for me because she knew I couldn't take care of myself.   It's a request.  In the end it will be her decision to join this...”  Tinkletoes looks around the room,  “whatever it is we're doing here.   Think about your Mom, what she would want.  If it came right down to it, if she had to choose would she want that romantic moment with the fireworks, the music playing all around and well...me or would she want to know that Diomedes is well again and no longer suffering.”

“A clean house, she would love to have a clean house too!”  House exclaims.

“She'd probably want that too.”  Tinkletoes agrees.

“She would want Diomedes to be okay before anything else.”   Dobby says, his head drooping in disappointment.

“That's what we love about her.   Right?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Yeah.”   Dobby agrees.

“Don't worry, buddy.  We'll get this sorted out, just not right now.  Right now it's time to call in for reinforcements.   You know your mission?”   He asks Dobby.

“Yeah.”  Dobby says making his way out of the living room.   He stops just inside the kitchen to remove his helmet, combat boots, and protective suit (okay...garbage bag).  The ginger tabby makes the short trek to the bonus room where Writer Lady and Ray are reading a list of things to TP while TP quietly shakes his head from his soak in the hot tub.

“Anti-diahrreal?”  Writer Lady asks.

“No.”  TP says.

“Antibiotics?”  Ray asks.

“No.”

“Aspirin?”

“No.   There is no medicine in Faerie.  You must use your own.”  TP states once again.

“Duuude...”   Ray says.

“I know, the synonyms aren't working.”  Writer Lady says.  “I wonder what else we can try.”

“Mom.”   Dobby calls sitting down behind her.

“Herbal remedies maybe?”  She asks Ray.

“No one can ignore the power of the herbs.”  Ray answers.   “High five!”  He says raising a hand to gesture.

Writer Lady looks at Ray without saying a word.

“No high five.”   Ray says, there is disappointment in his voice.

“Mom.”

“We need to compile a list of herbs, quickly.  Do you know if Carp has ever written books about medicine women or herbal healers.”

“Duuude.”

“Women with brains fall in love too Ray.”

“Mom!”   Dobby calls out.

“What is it kitty?”   Writer Lady asks turning around.

“It's Diomedes he's still sick and his stomach bug says it's TP's fault.”  Dobby answers.

“Is not.”  TP argues.

“Diomedes has a stomach bug that talks?”  Writer Lady asks.

“It's complicated.”   Dobby says.  “Mom, Tinkletoes can't do this alone.  He needs help.  Your help.”

At the sound of these words Carp stops writing.   “Don't even think about it.”  He says approaching Writer Lady.  “You cannot go.”

“I'm going.”  Writer Lady says.

“If you go the romantic quest...”

“will be null and void.  I know.”  Writer Lady says finishing Carp's sentence.  “I'm going anyway.”

“Someone's going to die alone.”  Carp sings out as Writer Lady walks past him.  She turns and glares at him.  She turns back towards the living room and takes one step forward.

Writer Lady quietly mutters “No” and turns around again.  “I wasn't going to say anything but...”

Ray and Dobby groan simultaneously.

“I think it's time we straightened some things out here.”

Making Progress

Bugsy jumps up and down within the confines of Diomedes' cavernous mouth.

“Your fae-rie near-ly killed me. What are you go-ing to do a-bout it?” Diomedes says slowly.

“What was that?” House asks.

“Bugsy thinks that you might have hearing or comprehension difficulties. He asked me to speak slowly.” Diomedes answers.

“Excuse me?” House exclaims. “Did you hear that darling? Did you hear what the dragon said to me?”

Mural Man swallows nervously.

Tinkletoes laughs quietly. “House is getting offended because the little bug thinks she's not too bright.” He says to Dobby grinning, “It's okay to laugh Dobby, it's pretty funny.”

“Actually sir, he was referring to the entire group.” Diomedes explains.

“If we're so stupid then why has he been waiting for us to save him?” Tinkletoes asks.

“Because the dragon can't be cured and the mess can't be cleaned up without magic, doofus.” Diomedes answers.

“Them's fighting words you little....virus.” Tinkletoes says staring at Bugsy.

“You will help me.” He says staring back.

“What if I don't?” Tinkletoes asks.

“I am a stomach bug. I become a virus within any non-magical being. I will invade your body and take control of your digestive system, rendering you incapable of eating or drinking. Indefinitely.”

“What if I'm okay with that? Maybe I like to puke.” Tinkletoes says.

“Indefinitely.” Is reiterated. “I can go up to a week without food or water. Can you?” Diomedes asks.

“Let's find out.” Tinkletoes says.

“My carpets. My floors.” House groans.

"House, relax." Mural Man says turning his attention to Bugsy. “Diomedes is sick. He's miserable. House is a mess. We have been trying to help but we don't know what we're up against. You're trying to get through this alone and losing. We have a common cause.” Mural Man points out. “We need to be working together.”

“He's right. We need to stop arguing, work together, and fix this.” Tinkletoes says.

“If you know what's causing this problem Bugsy things can be resolved.” Dobby adds. “Will you work with us?” He asks.

Bugsy paces across the tip of Diomedes' tongue in thought. The bug stops and looks at Tinkletoes shaking his fist, he makes a rude gesture then returns to his pacing.

“He's going to say 'yes'.” Tinkletoes whispers to Dobby and Mural Man. Both look at him doubtfully.

“He looks angry.” Mural Man observes.

“Everyone gets mad at me sooner or later. I'm still around. Trust me. He's gonna say 'yes'.”

Bugsy stops pacing, takes his authoritative stance, and looks at the group. The stomach bug nods.

“For my sake and in the interest of ending the battle he has been fighting in my belly Bugsy agrees to work with you. He says he will tell you everything he knows.” Diomedes says.

“Let the de-briefing begin.” Tinkletoes says grinning.

“TP, we know you used magic to give the cheese balls their speed. All we need to know is how to turn off the spell so we can calm Diomedes' diarrhea.” Writer Lady says peeking into the cricket cage and trying to look pitiful.

TP is in the far corner of the cage, relaxing in his own personal hot tub. “No.” He says.

“If you help I'll let you out of the cage.” Writer Lady says.

“No.”

“Think about Diomedes. How bad he feels, how uncomfortable he must be.” She says.

“Faeries don't get sick. TP always feels good.”

“I know how it feels.” Ray says. “Diarrhea's the worst. Come on man, help him out.”

TP looks up thoughtfully. “TP will not help because TP cannot help.”

Writer Lady and Ray look at TP, waiting for more information.

“Faeries don't get sick. There is no medicine.” He says.

“No medicine?” Writer Lady asks.

TP shakes his head.

“In all of Faerie?”

“We don't need faerie medicine we need dragon medicine.” Ray points out.

“What about dragon medicine or magical animal medicine?” Writer Lady asks.

TP shakes his head.

“Citizens of Faerie cannot be sick in Faerie. Diomedes is sick here. He needs your medicine.”

“When faerie dust or magicus pulvus is conjured the strength, its ability to be altered, as well as the length of time it is effective bears largely on the age and power of the faerie that conjured, and invoked the spells on the dust to begin with,” Bugsy explains. Diomedes and Mural Man are standing next to each other. Having covered his surface with non-stick spray, Diomedes is using Mural Man as a dry erase board.

Dobby is listening closely while Tinkletoes takes notes for him. The ginger tabby is preparing to ask questions.

“Don't write across his butt. Whatever you do, please don't write across his butt.” Tinkletoes mutters.

“Do you have magic?” Dobby asks Bugsy.

“Yes, but only a little. I can and do draw upon Diomedes' magic as needed.”

“Have you tried to draw upon Diomedes' magic to destroy the faerie dust in his digestive system?” Dobby asks.

“Yes. Using faerie magic to neutralize other faerie magic is tricky. It doesn't always work. Your faerie, TT? Is that his name?”

“TP.” Tinkletoes corrects.

“TP is an old faerie with strong finely tuned magic. It is full of the intricacies.  Magic can be honed to identify an individual magical being.”

Tinkletoes yawns. Dobby nods a lot.

“Magic in the hands of an old faerie, one who has had lots of practice...”

“I've got a question.” Tinkletoes says. “Are you ever going to speak English?”

“it can be like a thumb print.” Diomedes continues answering. “A practiced faerie can weave sub-magic into their spells to make the magic unique. TP must be very old because the spell that was activated when I tried to neutralize the enchantment on the faerie dust not only absorbed the power in my spell. It amplified it.”

“In other words.” Dobby prompts recognizing Tinkletoes' frustration.

“In other words.” Diomedes reaches up and draws a mess propelling from Mural Man's butt. “Crap flew everywhere.”

Dobby nods.

“You just had to draw on his butt didn't you.” Tinkletoes says.

“I'm enjoying it.” House comments breathlessly.

“You would.” Tinkletoes grumbles. “So basically, that's how our buddy Diomedes became Sir Craps A Lot.” Tinkletoes says. “That sneaky little devil.”

“You have a strange look on your face.” Dobby says.

“Do I?” Tinkletoes says, looking at Dobby.

“Yeah.”

“We have a magical creature that got very sick from a magical spell, a secondary magic was introduced that intensified the problem.” Tinkletoes recaps. “How about if we brought both sources of magic together? If they both hit Diomedes' system at the same time could they neutralize each other?"  Tinkletoes looks around the room.  "What can I say, I have my moments."

“Two negatives do equal a positive.” Mural Man's voice offers from the nearest opening.

Everyone looks at Mural Man's butt.

“Did your butt just talk?” Tinkletoes asks.

“It is the quickest way for me to speak at the moment.” Mural Man responds.

“Don't do that again.” Tinkletoes says. “Looking at another's man butt is bad enough, listening to it?” He continues. “No.”
"Don't look at my butt." Mural Man says.  "Close your eyes and listen to my voice."
Dobby nods at Tinkletoes who closes his eyes.
"Feel better?"  Mural Man continues.
"No.  I still know it's your butt talking."
Dobby looks at Diomedes and Bugsy to no avail.
"Maybe if you think about this as a sign?"
Tinkletoes glares at Dobby.
"It's going to be all right in the end?"  Dobby suggests.
"It always works for me."  House adds. "Grrrr..."
"Let's just end this right here."
"As long as it's the butt end."  House says.
Tinkletoes runs a hand down the length of his face.  "A talking butt, I'm never going to unsee this."
"But..." 

A Writer With No Post

                                                   

A writer without a post.

She can't help the characters that need her the most.

She will not give up.

She refuses to despair!

What will she do tomorrow if she wakes up without any hair?

The story has not ended.

Neither will her struggle.

She looks up from her writing and says, “Pour me another bartender, and this time make it a double.”

Dobby turns and faces Writer Lady holding up a bottle, he turns his paw down to pour.

With one smooth, fluid movement a single drop of milk plops into her glass.

Writer Lady looks up from her pad of paper “What's happened? Only another shot is going to save my a**.”

The bartender gestures with a nod to a table at the back of the ice cream shoppe.

There in the darkest corner two kittens are drinking like sots.

The pair raise their heads from their milk bowls slowly, tongues sticking out, eyes drooping.

“In a magical ice cream shoppe?" Writer Lady asks. "That makes an odd grouping.”

“I always know when those two are here.” Dobby says. “That's what we call 'milk faced'”.

"Milk Faced?"  Writer Lady repeats.  "What a waste."

"They think it makes them look like studs."

 Smudge closes his eyes. Spots isn't far behind.

 The pair are really close buds.

Dobby says, “Since they've passed out let me go for more. From my secret stash. It's in the back. I don't even have to go to the store.”

Writer Lady looks across the shoppe at the kittens, a gentle smile crosses her face. If you know her you aren't surprised, she always has such grace.

“I'm in a tough spot. A deadline has come and gone. A post has yet to be written. I am determined to maintain the status quo and not pass out in my milk like a drunken kitten.” Writer Lady drinks the remaining sweet, creamy drop of comforting cheer. She pays her tab, “I think I may be turning a corner with this. But thanks, you've been a dear.”

The ginger tabby nods and Writer Lady leaves.

Carrying her notebook, tenacity, and imagination home through the gentle summer breeze.

**Take a moment and comment.  Let me know how many times you facepalmed while reading this.  It will give me a smile.  Have a nice day.**

Getting Down And Dirty With A Stomach Bug

                                                     

  “Thanks?”  Mural Man responds as Tinkletoes leaves him standing in the corner wondering how to make such a request from a sick and potentially dangerous dragon.  “He's a reasonable...dragon.  I'll just ask.” Mural Man mutters returning to Diomedes, Dobby, and Tinkletoes.  “So, um...Diomedes.  I ...we would like to help you.  We don't know what to do.  We...”

Tinkletoes coughs.

“I was wondering if we could talk to Bugsy.”  He says finishing the request.

“A splendid idea sir.”  Diomedes agrees.

“So will you call him?”  Mural Man asks.

“I can try. I do not know if he will answer.   Considering the state of things...”

“Bugsy may not be alive.”   Tinkletoes offers.   “Or at least not living inside you.”

“He may have died at the hand of whatever attacked your digestive system.”  Mural Man suggests.

“He may have simply been expelled.”  Diomedes says.

“Bugsy could be anywhere.  In the carpeting, on the walls.”   Dobby agrees looking around the room.

“On our boots.”  Tinkletoes points out.

While the others contemplate Bugsy's fate Diomedes closes his eyes and concentrates, several moments pass, opening them he announces, “Bugsy is still with me.  I can still sense his presence although it is not as strong as it was before.  I will communicate your request.”  The dragon closes his eyes again.  “I have extended your invitation.  Bugsy says he is on his way.”

“What happens now?”   House asks.

“We wait.”  Tinkletoes says.

As quill scratches along parchment Carp's words resonate throughout the bonus room.

Our hero waits.

Alert and ready for action.

Our hero waits.

Patiently and without complaint.

Our hero waits.

With the quiet contemplation of a seasoned, calculating leader.

Our hero waits...

“Do we have to keep listening to this?”  Dylan asks.

“If you want to see what happens next you do.”  Peter answers.

“How about if we make him tell us what we want to know?”  Ray asks.

“What do you mean make him?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Like truth serum or something.”

“That doesn't work on magical creatures.”  TP says.  “Silly Human.”

Tinkletoes, Dobby, Mural Man, and House all wait for Bugsy to arrive.   Diomedes naps while he is waiting. The dragon's eyes are closed, his breathing steady.

“This feels like it's taking forever.”  Dobby says.

“It does, doesn't it?”  Mural Man agrees.

“Big dragon.   Little bug.  It's supposed to take a while.”  Tinkletoes announces.

“While you boys are waiting could we begin to clean up?  All of the excrement isn't good for my carpets.”  House says.

“Until we're sure the diarrhea is over, what's the point?”  Tinkletoes counters.

“Unlike you some of us have grooming standards.”  House says.

“I have standards.  High ones.  But what's the point in showering if in two hours you're going to be up to your neck in mud again?”

“He's right.”  Dobby agrees.

“Maybe I should just ask about calling for Bugsy again.   He might be hurt or something.”   Mural Man offers.

Diomedes opens his eyes.   “Bugsy is here.”  He announces. “I hope that we can remedy this situation.   You may need an illumination device.”  Diomedes stops talking and opens wide.

“We need a flashlight.”  Tinkletoes says.

Dobby retrieves one.

Bugsy makes his entrance slowly.  Climbing up an esophagus is hot work and by the time the stomach bug has made it over the back of Diomedes' tongue, stopping at a back tooth that a rope has been tied around to relieve himself of the other end and loop it around the aforementioned tooth, Bugsy is tired.  Regardless, the stomach bug walks purposefully to the front of Diomedes' mouth stopping just inside the dragon's front bottom teeth.  Taking an authoritative stance on the tip of the dragon's tongue.  A squeak is released by the tiny black bug.  Everyone who is not a bug is left scratching their heads.   Bugsy squeaks again.

“What?”  Tinkletoes asks Dobby.

“I'm a cat.  How would I know what he's saying?”

“SQUEAK!”  Bugsy squeaks again with great emphasis.

“He says 'Hello'.”  Diomedes says.

“Oh.”  Tinkletoes responds.  “You aren't moving your mouth.  How are you doing that?”  He asks.

“Through my claw.”   The dragon responds.  One of Diomedes' front legs is held out, his claw is open.

“The sound is coming out of the end of Diomedes' claws like a bunch of mini-speakers.”   Dobby says.

“Squeak, squeak, squuueak, squeaak.”  Bugsy continues.

“Bugsy says 'Hello.  It's about time you showed up.'”

“What?”  Mural Man asks.

Bugsy looks up at the roof of the dragon's mouth and closing his eyes concentrates for a moment.

“Bugsy will send messages directly to me to tell you his thoughts in an effort to save time.”  Diomedes says.

“Great.  That squeaking is pretty annoying.”  Tinkletoes says.

Bugsy makes a rude gesture to the self-proclaimed mercenary and continues his tirade.

“Your faerie nearly killed me.  What are you going to do about it?”  Diomedes says.

“You're the one who's supposed to help us.”  Tinkletoes says.

The tiny black bug's face turns red.   Bugsy reaches behind his back and pulls out a semi-automatic machine gun.  He aims for the group.  “Your faerie nearly killed me.   What are you going to do about it?”

Dobby and Mural Man raise their paws/hands.

“Whoa...there lil' guy.”  Tinkletoes says with a grin, “We can get this worked out.”

“Be careful Tinkletoes.   He could be dangerous.”  Mural Man warns.

“What? Him?”  Tinkletoes steps closer to Diomedes' mouth and peers inside. “Dangerous or no, he's my kind of bug.   Strong, independent.  He's done what he's had to do in this situation.  He's gone Commando.”   He says with a grin.

“Actually I think you have the wrong term.”  Mural Man suggests.

“He doesn't.”  Dobby says.  “Take a look.”

Mural Man leans in to get a better look at the stomach bug.  “No pants.”  He looks at Tinkletoes.  “Commando is the correct term.”

“What?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Bugsy's not wearing any pants.”

“Of course he's not wearing any pants.  He's a bug.   What the hell does he need pants for?”

When Examining A Dragon...

“I would prefer not to.” Diomedes says.

Tinkletoes looks squarely at Diomedes.   “Dragon, we can do this the easy way or we can do this the hard way.”

“Isn't the dragon bigger than you are?”  House asks.

“I'll still win.”   Tinkletoes says.

“Doesn't the dragon breathe fire?”   House continues.

“Sometimes.”

“Doesn't he have magical powers?”

“Yeah.  I'm still going to win.”

“How?”  House asks.

“I'm more determined than he is.  Never underestimate a man on a mission.” Tinkletoes responds.   “Besides, there's the whole "diarrhea wearing him out thing" so that he has nothing inside left to breathe fire with.   It's possible he has too little energy to forge magic too.”

“So it's more the whole “parasite sucking his energy up” thing that gives you the advantage?” Mural Man asks.

“Um...yeah.”

“You're okay with that?”

Tinkletoes looks at Mural Man.  “This is a fire breathing dragon with the ability to forge magic.  Yeah, I'm okay with it.”  Turning back to Diomedes he says, “Bend over.”

Diomedes looks at Tinkletoes eyes wide.

“He seems nervous about this.  Perhaps if you reassured Diomedes in some way.”  Mural Man suggests.

Tinkletoes mutters for a moment, he looks at Diomedes and says.   “There's nothing to be scared of.  Dobby is wearing gloves.  He's gonna be gentle about the whole thing.”

“No I'm not.”   Dobby says.

“Of course you will.”   Tinkletoes says.  Turning back to Diomedes he says, “I know he helped conjure a demon to kill you and stuff but it was just because he thought you were a threat.  Dobby was just protecting his home.   Once we found out that you're okay, well, we haven't thought about killing you again for a second.   Dobby won't hurt you.  You can trust him.”

“I'm not sticking my paw up there.”  Dobby says.

“You have the suit, the gloves...the way cool helmet.”

Dobby shakes his head.

“Go get Ray for me then.”  Tinkletoes says.

“Ray isn't going to do this.”  Dobby says.

“I can get Ray to do anything as long as I have cupcakes.”

“I thought you were Lord and Emperor over all the cupcakes of this realm.” Dobby says.

“I am.  No one eats my cupcakes unless I invite them to.  As a leader it's important to know what motivates your men.  A goodie is a powerful motivator for a man like Ray.”

“Wait a minute Dobby."  Mural Man says the ginger tabby.  "Isn't there a less invasive way to do this?”  He asks, looking at Tinkletoes.

“Probably.”  Tinkletoes answers without looking away from Diomedes.  “Okay dragon, bend over.”

“You aren't going to look for one?” Mural Man asks.

“One what?”

“A less invasive way to help?”

“No.”

Mural Man looks at Diomedes.   “Are you sure this wasn't the cheese balls?  Maybe a bit of a stomach bug?”

Diomedes thinks for a moment and says, “Bugsy did not mention any problems when we arrived.”

“Bugsy?”  Mural Man asks.

“My stomach bug.”  The dragon responds.

“So you are sick.”  Tinkletoes says.

“No.”

“You just said you have a stomach bug.”  Mural Man points out.

“Bugsy.  He is the bug that lives in my stomach.  He is in charge of making sure everything runs smoothly.  If something is wrong he tells me.”

“Why didn't you mention this sooner?”   Tinkletoes demands.

“Nobody asked.”   TP says.  The faerie has been released from Writer Lady's enclosed hands and been placed in an old cricket cage.  He is lounging on a pool chaise he made appear when Writer Lady invited him to have a seat.   “All dragons have a stomach bug.”

Furnatche looks from TP's cage to his stomach and whimpers.

“Stomach bugs don't travel well.  This doesn't have to be TP's fault.”  The faerie points out.

“But it still might be.”  Writer Lady counters.

“That little faerie dude has a lot of information.”   Ray says studying TP.

“Information that we need.”  Writer Lady agrees.   “But the trick is figuring out how to extract it from him.”

“So tell us more about this bug.”   Tinkletoes says.

“We have lived together symbiotically since my hatching day.  I share my food and give him a warm, safe place to live and he keeps my digestive system healthy. He notifies me of any unseemly activities going on inside.”

“How do you talk?”   Tinkletoes asks.

“Bugsy sends messages through my neural pathways that get interpreted and become random thoughts.”

“How can you tell the difference between that bug's messages and your own thoughts?”   Mural Man asks.

“He signs his name of course.”   Diomedes responds.

“Of course.”  Dobby parrots.

Tinkletoes looks at Mural Man.   “Could I have a word with you?”

Mural Man slides along the carpet and then the living room wall to meet Tinkletoes in a far corner of the room.  “You and House spent some time in faerie.”  Tinkletoes says.  “How do we kill this thing?”

“Kill it?”

“Yeah kill it.   Send it home.  Get it the hell out of here.  I don't want to do the demon thing again, that was a bad idea.”

There is a silence as Mural Man waits for more information.

“This dragon is crazy.”  Tinkletoes announces.  “He says there's a bug living in his stomach.  There are probably lots of bugs in there.  Bugs living inside his head, eating his brain.”

“Not necessarily, Diomedes talking about Bugsy reminded me of something.  I think I remember seeing something about it in one of the faerie museums.  We should ask Diomedes to invite Bugsy up for a chat.” Mural Man says.

“He can do that?”

“I don't think it's the way things are usually done but if they truly are living symbiotically then it should be possible.”

“Okay.  That'll be your job.”  Tinkletoes says returning to Diomedes.

The Saga Continues

“Cheese balls?”  Writer Lady asks.

“Yeah, TP coated the cheese balls with some magic stuff that streamlined them.  So they would go faster.”

“Did they?”

“Oh yeah.”   Ray answers with a grin.  “The first ones moved so fast that they burned the plastic.  No track could hold them.  So TP made them fly.”

“Flying would be the next logical step.”  Writer Lady agrees.

“TP filled a bag with faerie dust.   He put another slick coating on over that so we didn't lose any speed.   Those balls were flying everywhere.  Across the floor, on to the furniture.   They made bright orange tracks along the walls.   The walls looked really cool.   You would have loved it man.   TP said some words and waved his hands and then those cheese balls really picked up speed.  One took out a lamp.  Another one broke that ugly glass thing everyone avoids but you never put flowers in.”

“My great- great-great grandmother's vase?”

Ray nods.

“The one that was supposed to have sunk on the Titanic but her best friend saved it by holding like it was a baby until she reached dry land.  That one?”

“Ye...yeah.”  Ray says.

Writer Lady's face contorts into something scary.  She takes a deep breath and her face relaxes.   She says, “Continue.”

“The first cheese ball flew into Diomedes' mouth by accident.  The rest just like...followed.”

“Diomedes ate a whole bag of cheese balls?”

Ray nods.

“A whole bag of cheese balls that had been rolling all over the dirty carpet, furniture, walls, then been coated with magical goo?”  Writer Lady asks.

“How dirty do you mean?  Because the carpet looked okay to me.”

“Clean but not clean enough to eat off of.”

“Oh.”  Ray says paling a little.  “Faerie dust.   They had faerie dust on them too.” He reminds her.

“No.  Let's not forget that.  TP uses that dust for just about everything.  We have no clue what's in that!   No wonder the poor dragon is sick.”  Writer Lady's eyes scan the room looking for the guilty party.  TP has not moved from his spot near the monitor.  Watching and giggling as Tinkletoes, Dobby, House, and Mural Man try to help Diomedes.  “You.”  She says glaring at the faerie.

“Ooops.  Time to go.”   TP says.

“Not so fast.”  Writer Lady says, catching him in her hands.  “You have made a mess.  A big one.  It's time you helped clean it up.”

A high pitched noise is heard coming from Writer Lady's closed hands.  “What?” She asks.

“Let me.”  Ray leans down and puts an ear to Writer Lady's hands.

“Say that again TP.”  Writer Lady says.

TP repeats himself.

“Romantic quest.”  Ray says.  “He can't help because it Tinkletoes' romantic quest.”

“Romantic quest!  Ask TP how many romantic quests are there in which the ill-behaved imp who started it to begin with sits on the sidelines, watches, and laughs.”

Ray listens.  “More than you think?”  He interprets.

Writer Lady shakes her head.  “He tried but this is not your typical situation. Tinkletoes deserves more help, help from you TP and he's going to get it.”

There is more high-pitched chattering.

“You'll cut off Tinkletoes' nuts.”  Ray reminds her.

“Surely Tinkletoes has more confidence than to think that fixing one mess like this makes him a bigger man.”

More chatter.

“TP says he doesn't think he is and you'll be cutting off his nuts.”

“Fine.”  Writer Lady says.  “When this is all over I'll sew them back on again.    He won't even know they're gone.”

Ray raises his head and stands up.   “I hate to tell you this man.  But I think he's gonna notice.”

“I'll have to find a way to make it up to him then won't I?   I'll owe him one.”

“It might not be a complete disaster.”   Ray assents.  “Maybe if you invented some super delicious new Dragon Slayer cupcakes.  He might feel better.”

Peter and Dylan return from outside in time to hear about the food.

“I know goodies always make me feel better.”  Ray says.

Dylan looks at Ray and nods in agreement.

“So losing your masculinity is okay as long as there are cupcakes?”  Writer Lady asks.  “That's the message I'm getting.”

Ray, Peter, and Dylan all look at each other.   “It helps.”  Dylan says.

Diomedes stands in the center of the living room.   The dragon is changing colors more slowly and he seems less stressed.

“It was the cheese balls.  Dragons must be allergic to cheese balls.”  Dobby says.

“Are you, um...lactose intolerant?”  Mural Man asks.

“No.”  Diomedes answers.  “I am a magical creature.  I can eat whatever I like and reject whatever I don't like.  It all metabolizes the same.”

“When you reject it?  How does a dragon do that?”  Mural Man asks.

“I say, “Eu...” and make a disagreeable face.”

“You don't eat it?”  Tinkletoes asks.

“Only one bite.”  Diomedes responds.

“A rejected food wouldn't do this then.”  Tinkletoes says.

“That is correct.”   The dragon agrees.

“Then it must be some type of parasite.”  Mural Man says.

Tinkletoes looks at Mural Man, “What?   Did Monitor Man play a veterinarian once too?”

“He auditioned for a role as a zoologist.  Unfortunately, he didn't get it.”

“Yeah, well you win some and you lose some.”   Tinkletoes says looking briefly towards the bonus room.  Tinkletoes looks back at Diomedes.  “If you've got some kind of bug or worm living in there it only means one thing.  We need to find out what it is so that the enemy can be neutralized.  Bend over.”

The Saga Of A Man Called Tink

The Saga of a Man Called Tink

Tink...Tink

A name you will never forget

The name of a legend

The soldier from Tibet.

So begins “The Saga of a Man Called Tink.”

Carp dictates his story to a feather quill that puts words to parchment with efficiency and speed much to Peter's amazement and Dylan's delight.

“Tibet?”  Peter asks.

“I know...Tinkletoes isn't from Tibet and he looks nothing like a Tibetan but it rhymes.”

Peter looks at Carp doubtfully.

“I'm the writer and this is all about creating the perfect vision.”  Carp announces.  “I am taking creative license.  Writers can do that.”

Peter is not convinced.

“A vision of who?”   Dylan asks.

“Tinkletoes.”  Peter answers.

Shaking his head, the little boy looks up at Carp and says, “Try again.”

Carp clears his throat loudly.  The quill lifts from the parchment and waits.  Carp tries again.

Enter our hero.  A man who has fought brave battles.

“Against Writer Lady.”--TP giggles.

Battles of Wits.

“He's never won.”  More giggling.

A soldier wielding a formidable weapon.

Peter and Dylan move through the room dueling with cardboard cores from emptied rolls of gift wrap.

Roughing it in hostile territories.  Braving the elements.   Eating only what he can find.

Dylan runs out of the room returning with a rectangular plastic container from the kitchen.   The lid has the words “Property Of Tinkletoes” written across the top in bold black marker.  Dylan opens it and pulls out an elaborately decorated cupcake piped with buttercream.  It is a large white rose with a tiny pink rosebud in the center.  Dylan opens wide and Peter takes it out of his hand just in time.

“No Dylan those are his favorite.”  Peter says, replacing the fancy cupcake and giving Dylan one of the plainer looking ones.   Dylan makes a face.   “This one is better.  It has sprinkles on it.”  Peter says.  Dylan's expression does not change. “If you eat the other one Tinkletoes will be mad and you won't get to play Halo anymore.”  Peter points out.

“I love sprinkles.”  Dylan says accepting the cupcake and taking a big bite.

Tinkletoes, Diomedes, Mural Man, and House all hear Dobby coming long before he reaches the entry to the living room.

“Stop right there.”  Tinkletoes orders before the ginger tabby can step inside the room.  “What are you doing?”

“I've got your back?”  Dobby asks.

“So what's with the get up?”

“It was supposed to be armor but all I got was this stupid garbage bag.”

“What about the helmet?”

“Mom asked TP to help her make a Hazmat suit.  He's a little preoccupied.” Dobby explains.

“You need boots to wade through this.  Get some boots on and you can come in.” Tinkletoes instructs.

“I left my combat boots in Mom's room.”

“House, would you mind?”

Several seconds pass.  The pantry door creaks open and a feline sized pair of combat boots are unceremoniously spit out.   They fly across the kitchen floor, thumping against the base of a cabinet and ricochet back landing at Dobby's feet.

“Thanks.”  Dobby says stepping into boots that automatically lace up and tie on their own because...cat.  No thumbs.   Dobby sloshes through the muck, stopping next to Tinkletoes and Diomedes.

“This isn't going to work if everyone keeps heckling my story.”  Carp announces.

“Then tell a better one.”  Dylan responds.

Carp puts a hand to his forehead and closes his eyes for several moments.  He mutters ,“What to do.  What to do.  Since I am not entertaining you with my adventuresome prose I will dictate what I know.”

“No way man.”   Ray says.

Ignoring Ray, Carp begins.

Enter Tink .  

The Heroiest of all Heroes.

The man of the hour.

The soldier that men most admire and women most swoon over.

He enters the room boldly.

Each step heavy with purpose.

A man on a mission.

A woman to save.

The light in the room dims then returns suddenly, reflecting off his muscular chest.  It glistens with sweat.

His hair loosened from its binding while fighting blows in the windy entry. Flowing freely now and whipping against the open doorway.

TP giggles.

“Tinkletoes is not going to like this.”  Ray says, shaking his head.

Dylan also shakes his head in disapproval.  Peter, standing behind his younger brother, gently stops his head from moving.  Dylan looks up.   “But Peter, Tinkletoes doesn't have long hair.  This is wrong.”

“Creative license, my boy, creative license.”  Carp argues.

“Dylan, maybe we should go outside for a little while.”  Peter suggests.

“This is wrong, Peter.”  Dylan says as the boys leave the house.  “That story is terrible.  He made money with that stuff?  People pay for that?  Grown-ups don't make any sense.” 

“What are we doing?”  Dobby asks.

“Talking.”  Tinkletoes answers.  “When something goes wrong in battle you have to go back and look at the events leading up to the situation.”

“Keeping in mind what we know.”   Mural Man says.   “Diomedes has diarrhea.  Diahrrea is one of the digestive system's ways of saying there is something inside that doesn't belong and needs to come out.”

Tinkletoes nods.

“Sometimes this is a virus, parasite, bad food, or other stomach irritant.”

Both Tinkletoes and Dobby look at Mural Man taken aback by his knowledge.

“I come from Monitor Man.   He played a doctor once.  Not a G.P. a um...another kind of doctor.  But all doctors start out with a more general medical education and then move on to specialize.”

Taking one last look into the bonus room Tink sees her standing in the doorway. The woman of his heart.  The large innocent eyes, beautiful fine features, scared for him, the young couple, and for the fate of the house.   Her bosom heaves quickly as her breathing becomes more labored, she feels such fear for all of them.  There is so much love in her heart.

“I'll wait for you.”   She calls.

“You'd better.  I'm sexiest guy Ever.”   Tink answers with a grin showing bright, perfect teeth and turns to meet his enemy.

A fierce dragon with long talons and razor sharp teeth growls, snorting smoke, and threatening a pair of innocents.  “The only good human is a dead human,” the dragon growls. 

 

“Wouldn't this story be better if you paid attention to what was happening in the other room?  Diomedes isn't attacking anyone.”  Writer Lady points out.   “He's the one who's sick.   If anyone is the victim that poor dragon is.”

“TP never should have fed the dragon those cheese balls.”  Ray says.